Remember last week my topic I was all worried about researching? The wall I was sort of afraid to climb. Well in typical MommyRhetoric fashion I jumped first and asked no questions later. Instead I leaped and I suppose I will deal with those consequences later. And I am sure there will be some. Whenever dealing with family there always is.
The cost benefit analysis for me is always how I typically make these types of decisions. For me, the benefits of exposing truths from myths are worth it. I am an academic which means at times the world is meant for me to try and constantly figure it out even though the task is impossible. Sometimes I have to shut it the hell off.
However, I know inside my family’s rich history lies some extraordinary people and heritage. I believe that the cultural boundaries that they were afraid to cross don’t exist like they once used to. I believe they exist but in very different ways and I wholeheartedly believe that in the darkness isn’t deep dark spider webs of stories meant to be secret. But instead an immigrant family trying to find ways to fit in.
That isn’t to say my research might not land on something dark or touchy but I will deal with however it appropriate at the time. I will try and protect those in the stories I uncover. Because the reality is…this is my family. They carry my maiden name and I can always go back to living in the myths.
The research hasn’t been easy and I work for every single morsel of information that I find and I feel elated to find just smidge only to end up finding it gets me to yet another dead end. And maybe that is a good thing. It would not be scholarly or even have much value if in one click it was all right there.
David Gold said in The Accidental Archivist:
“In academia, one is in a perpetual liminal space. As soon as you answer a research question, you ask another, your growing body of expertise simply marking the expanding edge of your ignorance”.
That is so me and this project! I know my capabilities as a researcher but this is testing me and at times making me frustrated because I can’t find the answers. Just when I feel so damn smart because I dug through 147 obituaries to figure out how to spell my great grandmother’s Czechoslovakian name and I land on gold I find the 148th obituary that spelled her god damn name different. So what is it?
Besides if all else fails I can prove I am related to Marie Tucek who created the very first bra. She called it a bra supporter. And no I am not joking it is very possible I am related to this woman. I have about 24 Marie’s in my family line.