I have failed miserably at life lately. I am tired of hiding it or pretending it doesn’t exist. Holy crap I have a crap ton of crap going on. And remember my well intentioned learning to say no post. Well LA-DE-FREAKING-DA I never complied. Oh I tried. But in the 1.3 seconds of awkward silence that always followed and I was sure they lost all faith in me I squealed out, “YES!” What is a girl to do when she can’t say no and has a never ending “to-do” list? And I hate I am so busy whines because really; everyone is busy right? It is just a matter of how you choose to deal with it, right? Wanna see how I deal with it?
Oh yea, that is right. I don’t deal with it. I ignore it but it doesn’t go away. The first is my basket of things to do stuff with. Jeans to be returned to Fashion Bug, Magazines with recipes tagged or coupons (that probably already expired) need cut out. Clothes that need stitched. Wires that need untangled. Oh and this bookshelf…I have three of them so times this pic by three. I love that my girlies read books like they eat (or maybe not they are birds) but look at that damn thing. It threw up books. And then those books threw up! Throw in a random sock or blanket and that is my life. The sink picture does no justice. There is toothpaste and then slimy white gunk. I need to scrub.
And those are the pictures that I can visibly show you. If you saw my back yard you would think my house was a repossession house. Weeds galore, my weeds had babies and they are already almost as tall as me. Then my homework. I never forget homework. I did this week. Say what? I did. Thankfully, I was just honest and told her. “I forgot. You can kick me in the shin.” She said no worries. But I had to be honest. The night before I stayed up as late as I could working on homework, grading trying to maintain some cleanliness at my house and I forget my damn homework. Add in there that I have a class I am trying to like. I have to take an American Lit class and me and American Lit don’t jive. The instructor is great. The material BLOWS! I just put it off as long as I possibly can which leads me to walking into a class and feeling like the complete dumb ass that needs to sit in the back of the room and not talk. I am not reading and engaging in it as good as I can and should.
I just want to say “Uncle”. I cannot do it all. I sure as hell try. But what happens when you fail miserably at all of them? You house looks like crap. You get a B+ on a paper (say what? that isn’t me). Your kiddos learn to walk around piles of books. You read Moby Dick while grading 44 finals drafts of a paper that you are realizing need quite a bit of work and it is probably because you didn’t teach good enough. Add in three kiddos who feel like they have been sick for a month or better and I again…I want to scream U-N-C-L-E. I am coming out. I have failed!
Now for the good news…I have fall break. I can turn this ship around. It isn’t inevitable failure. It is me flipping that ol’ uncle the bird and saying once again…I got this! Because I do. I have no choice and I am certainly not going to give up o on myself. Things snowballed somewhere between sick kids, sick momma and final drafts. I am grabbing the reins back and will steer myself back to a place of calm. In the meantime….leave me alone! (And I am only joking but very much embarrassed to have shared the above pictures but this blog is about me being real!)