Mommy On Demand

Have you ever stood in the middle of a room and you can’t see the floor because it is covered with toys and all of your kids are fighting, screaming, pulling each other’s hair and your husband says, “Hey can you bring me some chips and a drink?” as he sits down to watch TV.  Then just after you completely and totally lose it and scream your head off the doorbell rings and someone stands there awkwardly because they just heard everything?

Well, that didn’t happen today, but I feel like that.  I just had to drag Youngest to his bed (kicking and screaming) and now I have just sat down to write and I feel like you were watching the entire bad scene.  Youngest is 3, but still a mystery to me.  I am still waiting for that child to break out of the “terrible twos” that he has had since about 10 months of age.  He demands the strangest things, like today, several hours ago when I first sat down to write, he asked me for a drink.  I brought him one and he wanted me to keep walking back to the kitchen, re-enter the living room and re-hand him the drink because I didn’t stand on the “right spot” to give it to him.

Now here it is several hours later and I have made no progress on anything I needed to do today or improving his attitude, which has just been an avalanche of complaints and demands.  His list of things that set him off seems to be endless and ever changing.  I try to just tease him, and laugh him out of the tantrums, but it doesn’t work all of the time.  It certainly didn’t work today!

The feelings that I have towards Youngest and his behavior and attitude are difficult to put into words.  The feelings are strong.  Strong like the love I also have for him.  Strong negative feelings toward a kiddo are hard to deal with and the guilt that follows is immense.  I just wonder where the sweet, smart, funny kid goes at times, the kid I adore.  Because the difficult kid breaks my heart.


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