Insecure Jargon

In the last week or so I have had two people make comments on their impressions of  me and how I handle things.  I was a more than a bit surprised to hear that they thought that I “had it all together”.  Shocked was more like it.  In fact, I am now considering a career in acting, because I think that is what they are seeing.

Joking aside, these acting skills come in handy when I have to be confident, because I am anything but.  I am shy and I don’t like to talk  in front of groups or even approach new people.   I get nervous talking to anyone in positions of power- I blame my dad for that one- yet,  somehow I seem to keep ending up in these situations more and more.

I am a fixer, I always want to fix problems that I see, so if I see others are busy or having a bad time, I certainly don’t want to add to it.  I want to cheer them up, take away the stress, fix everything all up nice and neat and put a big bow on it.  Even as I write this, I am trying to figure out how to sweeten it up!

I don’t ever want to be fake, especially to people I am close to, but at the same time I want to enjoy them and have some laughs.  I am afraid they wouldn’t be my friend for long if  all I did was mope and gripe about things.  Of course I know that they would still be my friends, but something in my head always tells me if I am not “the perfect friend”  I will lose them.  So I bottle it up, hide it as best as I can and smile.


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