Just Write # 1

Oh the mundane of my life is so fancy. I just smothered in the sticky Advil syrup because #3 says, “It tastes yucky. It not fair I have to take.” I giggled pushed the syringe in far enough to make her have to swallow but not so far she would gag. She says, “No” long after it is making its travels into her body. Man she is just like me. Stubborn as all get out and fearless in her pursuit. I love that little girl.

But I am so grateful to be here with her in this moment that I don’t care. I would cover myself in the gritty sticky stuff every second to be here with her. Then my mind races, “What if I am not?” I always get so stuck in these “where will I be next year moments” and I am so there right now.

What if my guy does get riffed, I go back to work officially at a regular ol’ 9-5 job. I am resisting that change so much. Is it because of them (#1, #2 and # 3) or is it because I am lazy as society might suggest? I am more determined than ever to have my guy or myself here with #3 till she is off and happy at school.

Even then I question if there is not some comfort in knowing that the majority of the time someone will be or is there for them. Either at home wiping noses or cleaning up puke or in the school taking advantage of the time to do something good. I know how I felt about parenting when this journey began. I was never going to do it half assed or on the fly.

Despite a forced recession that could rain on my family I want to hold true to that value but then the all mighty dollar speakers louder usually. And that shit sucks! The ironic thing is we have been in similar situations before and we prayed long and hard and it all just worked out. We contemplated me working or my guy working another job and the answer was always the same. We grabbed hands tight (metaphorically) and dredged forward having faith it would work out. It always has and did. I just wonder if that luck is not running out.

But today is a good day. It is so hard to let those shitty thoughts rule the roost. It is not even close to how a November day should look which to me suggest there are larger powers at work. Something bigger than you and I trying to shine some light on all that sadness around having us beg for do-overs.

I got to “boat” with # 3 and look at the voting book of signatures. No one had voted but me. How does that even happen? Grant it, I was early but I wasn’t that early. How can we make positive changes in government if people cannot find their way to their voting polls even in elections that seem like they matter so little.

Well in effort to participate in #justwrite and to also practice what I preach with my students what you have been subjected to was just a little bit of what runs through my mind in five minutes. It is all over the place. But please notice it is in a very happy place for once.

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