I am not proud of who I am.

You know we all have those moments where we look back and we hated the way we reacted to something or what we said. Than we chastise ourselves for being so hard on ourselves. And while typically agree. I tell my friends numerous times, be gentle with yourself. You aren’t perfect.

The reality is though I have been in a frame of mind that I am not proud of who I am putting out into the universe. This all relates to my home. I have been a good teacher and student. But I have been a crappy mother and wife. Today is the worst. I have said on numerous occasions that when #2 has a bad day I do too. Except that goes full round for the family. No matter what happened today she was just not going to be happy. She resisted every suggestion and fought every offering of help. My response was of an agitated irritated mother trying to get her kids out of the house on time instead of the loving and more cooperative mom she needs me to be. I did catch it before it ended and hugged her tight and told her to stop right there and let’s just go forward positive.

But really why could I have not responded that way to begin with. Usually my guy and I keep it in check with her. One of us loses our cool the other picks up or vice versa. Today he was as irritated with her as I was which just was not a good combo. My whole drive to work was spent in tears as I replayed it.

Then my guy called me and it just got worse. I growled at him. He growled back and I decided at that point it was just better to throw my effort into something I could handle better in the moment. Being a teacher.

How in the heck do you stop that runaway train that is a bad day? How do you not let it get bad and end up living moments you wish you could take back? I know there is no where to go but forward but it is just hard.


2 thoughts on “I am not proud of who I am.

  1. It’s so hard and I hate days like those. Especially when I allow those days to turn into weeks. 😦 I hope it gets better and know that I’m here if I can help. 🙂

  2. I think that is why being a mom is the hardest thing a woman can ever do! Compared to being a mom, anything else in life is easy. Because nothing else requires so much giving, sacrifice and change. We have nothing else in this world with such obligation. Being a mom is hard, and maybe we are just hard on ourselves. Maybe we just have to realize God made us mom’s for a reason-because through good and BAD we have the best to offer them over anyone else. Remember who you are and why you are here, and everything else will just have to work itself out.

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