Every time I hear the word ain’t I think of my elementary school teacher who came up with a chant for ain’t. A chant I know I have repeated to my girls and sometimes myself when I read my student’s paper. It goes a little something like this:
“Ain’t ain’t a word cause the teacher said it ain’t”
And now that I shared that little tidbit with you I also should share another little tidbit. I am too hard on myself sometimes. I try to create this idea of perfection that realistically I know does not exist. I cannot and will ever be able to do it all. I have it all yes, but I cannot do it all. Tuesdays are my full day at home and that usually means I kill myself to finish a project for my class or grading for my students.
But yesterday after that post I had an epiphany. I thought why not tell my students my grading is taking place but not as quickly as I had hoped. And I know for a fact that I am one of the campuses fastest graders because this is what instructors talk about. My students may not know it (or even agree) but I am. I always try and stick to a one week turn around. And when I have received critiques from department heads it usually mentioned that maybe I put too much pressure on myself to get grades/feedback too quick. But I have been and am a student. I want it quick. I try and do the same. Well yesterday I
begged told them that I was behind in grading and therefore am going to push the schedule back. Instead of us all killing ourselves I realized I run this ship and I will reward their waiting with better feedback and more time to complete a final project. End of story.
But today as I am fixing dinner for the crock pot, making cookies and homemade playdoh (too lazy to go to grocery). And lastly, playing with # 3 which arguably holds no tangible results I feel much better about myself. For me there is a value placed on being present as a mother. That means good meals I make (usually from scratch), clean laundry (which is buzzing right now), completed study/reading time with them (went through spelling, worked on math and read several books with all of them) and lastly giggles and love (all of which I have done and will continue to do). So really am I that bad?Add in that what I do daily helps to pay the bills and buy them things they need and want. Again I ask…am I so horrible?
I am human. I am obsessed with making sure my girls get where they need to go on time. I fall short. I get caught up in the mundane daily trials that happen to all parents. I get over it. I get tired of always being creative and coming up with a meal. But I do it any way or order a pizza. Life isn’t all that bad really? I know my children have much much more than most children.
And I don’t mean financial things. I mean love, understanding, parenting that helps to make them good stewards, parents and people in the community. So I guess I ain’t as bad as I thought despite using the word ain’t repeatedly.