No more is my anxiety more prevalent than traveling outside of my comfort zone. As a sufferer of contamination OCD my brain does crazy boundary things. I have safe places and people. When I travel beyond that scope I become repetitive in nature and have an incredibly nervous bladder. My husband knows and loves this about me. Okay I may be exaggerating a little. He puts up with it, prepares for it.
On road trips he knows where I like to stop and he knows when he needs to keep going. There is often no rhyme or reason for why something appears/feels safe and another might not but it is very much a gut feeling. I have grown so accustomed to my own craziness that it seems and feels normal.
I avoid too close of friendships because I wonder what would happen if they had seen this. Now imagine me saying this like a whiny kid…But I really wanted to have a girls night out away shopping, going somewhere out of that comfort zone and I adore Mommy Jargon. She is my best friend and so far has not only accepted my crazy “safe” and “unsafe” things but giggles along with me at them. The even funnier thing, the more time she spends with me the more she can further my argument that most people house some sorts of OCD.
Image pulled from Missing Pieces
That is how contamination OCD works, it makes no sense. It makes you see and do things that make no logical sense. So I can sit back and laugh at the idiotic things it makes me do or I can sit and cry and feel sorry for myself. Don’t get me wrong I have those moments too. Small weekend trips are a huge deal to me. I will never be the let’s just get in the car and go even medicated. But for me I (thanks to therapy) am good at figuring out the cost/benefit analysis. For me the benefit of going on this getaway far outweighed my craziness. So I went.
But the down side of that is it made me extremely insecure. I was so worried that my five year friendship with Mommy Jargon would end somewhere around the 20th pee break or the saying the same thing over and over. But it didn’t. It is a rare thing that I let people in this close but it was so fun. So fun that I am ready to do it again. You up for it Mommy Jargon?