Once a tomboy, always a tomboy. Much like my #1 I spent much of my life as a tom boy. I always found myself more interested in that side of myself. The older I have gotten the more I have felt a pull to be a little more girly. I adore the way perfume makes me feel, I love having my nails painted. I just never grasped the ability to put it all together. You know the clothes, the makeup, and the accessories. It seems so pretentious and well vein to me. Why bother, you will just get dirty again right?
Now on pinterest I see every single day these adorable outfit match ups that make me drool. Why did something like that not exist when I was growing up? Part of it was growing up with parents who would have said “hell to the no” on 8 pieces to complete an outfit. But now as an adult what is my excuse? I look at these pictures, I think…I can do that. I go to the store and I look at it and one of two things happens. I see the price tag and say, “Hell to the no.” Or I get flustered trying to put it all together and just quit. My tomboy ways. Jeans, a sweatshirt and tennis shoes. Looking more like the picture right and less like the picture left. For work attire I will usually throw in a few blouses or sweaters with jeans and comfy dress shoes. Occasionally I will throw in a skirt or a bit more dressier. But I will be honest…by the end of the semester I usually revert to my tom boy ways minus sweatshirts and tennis shoes. I just don’t have it. I wanna be that girl that puts it all together. My # 2 does it phenomenally but me…NOT SO MUCH!
So you may ask why not just buy straight from those pictures right? They are already all there. “But they are so expensive,” you will hear me whine. And they are. But I think it is more about finding some way to being comfortable with who I am. I work out pretty routinely. I have lost gianormous amounts of weight. I have gained some back since April. I took it hard. I take it even harder that despite working out small loses continue to be made. It is easy to say I don’t eat right, or I don’t work out right. And maybe those are the answers.
But I really believe it says more about my mind than anything else. Why can I just not be okay with who I am? I am tom boy. So? I will never look like an ad for next the P90X. So? Does that mean I could not ever change those things…no. I am almost three years into this work out thing. I never gave up on it. I see it’s value. I still enjoy it and do it regularly. I used to obsess with running. But I had time then. I wasn’t working. My guy didn’t have other things going on. That just isn’t my life in this moment. That doesn’t mean that is my life forever though. Why can’t I just be happy with that? If I ditched the gym membership and worked out solely at home I know I would find a reason not too.
Therefore, yes I want to be the girl who wears those awesomely made up outfits in a size 6 and has each beautiful accessory to make my outfit have it. But if I ventured to guess it would end up being just one of those outfits because that would be all I could afford. Then I would substitute my sweatshirt occasionally because my sweater snagged on my dishwasher. My boot would pop a heel because I tried to multitask in it using it as a snow boot. And let’s be honest my earrings and necklace would be pilfered by my oldest and lost because that is what she does and if it made it past her it would be pilfered to # 2 and she would create an awesomely awesome outfit out of it and I wouldn’t want to ruin her “look”. And then if it survived that, # 3 would toss it in the toilet and flush and say, “Look what I did Momma.”
So I guess I will continue wanting to be that girl while realizing I am just not.