This past year I learned a big life lesson:
There is very little I can control, but I can control my reaction to things.
- My guy’s job could very well be lost
- Enrollment numbers are down at the university
- I am really at a point where I need to decide PhD. Or job market.
- #2’s issues
- life in general handing out lemons by the bushels sometimes
- I wish there was always more money/public service pay is the pits
I can dwell on that and make it out to be the worst thing in the world or I can try and just pray for the best and prepare for the worst. Life happens. I cannot stop that. That doesn’t mean those lemons aren’t sour and I will always smile through them. It just means I will make a conscious effort to try and not keep that sour face. I did that too much this year. I let the weight of the world weigh me down. And I let others weights weigh me down.
What happened was life passed me by. I didn’t participate in it. I complained about it, fought it and got heavy shoulders. And I stood on the sidelines. But I will never ever be Mary Sunshine. Nor would I want to. I won’t ignore the bad stuff. I am just gonna choose my reaction to it.
In my teaching life, that means I will make my students a priority after my children and husband. In my personal life, my family is always first. I can control my work deadlines mostly. I will try and perfect that. And lastly, when I see the negative people in my life that bring me down I will walk away. It is hard because I care and I care too much that everyone be heard because really that is what all of us want usually, right? We want to know that someone is on the other end of that phone line, that the text does not go unresponded too and that we get a generous comment on facebook or blog. I want to do that and validate that for those people in my life that matter. But when I get sucked into the wrong places and things I am not returning those validations to the people that matter. My family, my friends and my students. In that order. I will make mistakes. I always do. But I will try and be more forgiving of myself when I do fall.
It desperately hurts when I am put off or ignored so why in the world would I ever do that to the people I care about? I am also trying harder to cultivate the friendships that I have that can support that. People that make me as important as I make them. Those are the ones that matter.That is the time that is worth it.
So this just write is really dedicated to my anti-resolution New Year’s resolution. This year could very well take me for a bumpy ride. But I know we will be okay because we have love, we have family, and we have friends. Because really…I am the luckiest.