When I was 8 I had my tonsils taken out. I remember parts of it like it was yesterday. I remember needles in my butt. I remember my dad having to hold me down. I remember being in the OR. It was cold, there was weirdly loud music and a lot of activity. But what I remember most is the way I felt. Out of control and people talking about me and around me. I don’t like that feeling. As if my anxiety disorder of OCD didn’t say that already.
My intent was to take it all in yesterday and see if the experiences were similar. They most certainly modernized. If that makes sense. I felt very violated in relation to privacy as a child. Yesterday not at all. I felt so respected and “private”. Maybe it was the difference in age. But my anxiety reared its ugly head. Although it wasn’t like I was not expecting that. Nurse decided pretty early on I needed something to take the edge off. So it wasn’t too long into the surgery wait I was given some anti-anxiety meds. Most of my anxiety centered around being out of control of my body, so my doc made sure to give me a time table of how long I would be out of control and how it would play out in relation to that. I did good until we got back there in the OR. Then I was back to being 8 and in the OR. There was weird music and very cold temps. Thankfully, I had an awesome OR nurse that looked just like MommyJargon’s mom and talked like her. She was calming and sensed my uneasiness and held my hand and wrapped me in warm blankets and it was a matter of seconds I believe before I was out.
Next thing I know I am in the recovery area and coming in and out. In the midst of coming in and out I was hearing the guy next to me code and getting confused because I thought it was me coding. I kept crying for my guy and asking what was happening. The recovery room nurse reassured me that I was not coding and again with the warm blankets. I was in and out and asking for my guy the whole time. I was eager to see him. So much so they had him waiting for me in the post-op area.
Everything went awesome and came off without a hitch. I did have some blood pressure issues as in my blood pressure ran in the 160-170’s over 100’s most of the time. They had to give me some blood pressure meds to calm it down. I have notorious white coat syndrome with most of my docs. But this continued on well into the surgery when I was asleep so the anesthesiologist decided to administer meds. I am gonna have to watch that and was advised to contact family physician. I have two dime sized incisions and was given awesome meds.
Today what I have I would not classify as pain but massive soreness. I struggle to get up and sit down. To move over in bed. My abs feel like I did a weeks worth of core training. It feels eerily similar to having just had a baby. Hard to sit for long periods of time and abdominal discomfort. Thankfully vicodin helps.
I also don’t think the metaphor is lost on me that we had to enter through the Birth Place center in the hospital and leave through there. My guy grabbed my hand as he walked out and I was wheeled and said, “We won’t have to do this ever again.” I love that guy!