Saturday Sharing…

Last week I had sometime to spare before meeting a friend and I decided to spend it in a book store. The funny thing is in their lobby they have shelves of books. I mean the area before you even get to the store. I picked up the book and rubbed my fingers across it. Then it made it’s way to my nose. Just then someone walked in and it was only then I was even partially aware of what I was doing. I thought, “Oh well.”

Books and the smell of them are something that are to be treasured. As I have mentioned here I did give into the kindle craze. But I refuse to go any further than their pearl ink technology which means it looks like a book should look. Not a fancy tablet color computer screen used to suck up our time in absorbent amounts.  I will NEVER go that way. If I go that way it will be via a tablet computer and I will use it to compute. Not read. I do love my kindle but I miss the smell, touch and feel of sitting down with a book. I am avid writer in books. I make notes in margins, I draw and dog ear things. In a kindle you have those features but they are too time consuming for me to stop and do those things. Maybe they aren’t but it still isn’t real because a big part of reading for me is the other senses it uses. I guess in a way it is more intimate.

So the reason for this ramble? After my visit to the book store I realized it has been awhile since I made my way in there to waste some time with my girls. So guess where we are going today? The book store. I came home that day and said, “I am taking you to the book store to buy real books.” Now I haven’t abandoned real books completely nor would I. In fact, my guy would argue we have too many as he is always threatening to throw them out. But it has been awhile so we need to keep in touch with that. I am sure I am just resisting the inevitable take over of technology here but I will resist as long as I can.

Leaving E-Books for Later Sharing…

Now I certainly allow my kiddos to embrace technology. In fact, I probably do so more than the average parent because digital literacy and I, well that is another convo for another day. I just find it is important for them to know the joy of a book and not buttons.

Golf Sharing…

Since I am proclaiming Golf my new thing. I need clubs right? Do I want these? Or these? Or these? I am not sure what kind of money I will spend. It won’t be a crazy amount because I’d liked to see I am gonna stick with it at first. And too be honest my guy had me play with 1 the whole time (minus the putter) and I did just fine with that. So I am contemplating if I even need a set or just a few. My guy just loves all my golf questions as of late. He loves feeling like he can teach me something.

Softball Sharing…

I maybe coaching softball this year. Softball was my thing. I loved it and grew up living and breathing it. I even played in the softball world series when I was 17. I have loved # 1 being in softball and often sat in the stands and coached more than I care to admit. So this year I thought why not? I didn’t want to bump already established coaches but I did want to offer to coach if needed….so I did. Now I am nervous. I am a lot older, fatter and well out of shape. But playing with #1 reminds me just how much I love the sport. Call me coach MR! Oh and there is one big difference…HUGE actually. I played slow pitch. She does fast pitch. YIKES! So now I gotta buy a glove. I really should have already had one. But whatcha gonna do. I couldn’t find mine back at my dad’s house.

This week has been boring in the computer surfing department because the kiddos were home and we were out interacting in a real world which was anything but boring. So the surfing happened when time allowed which was hardly ever.

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I hate cancer!

Growing up there was this guy. He was a man. Supportive of me and my family but most of the time it was from afar. He worked. From what I remember he worked hard. He always had affection for us. By us I mean my sisters and I. He especially loved my mom. He called her, “his little girl.” And she was. She was his only girl.

Sometimes he scared me because life was hard for him. It never really treated him kind or even fair and sometimes he struggled with that. The fear I had was when the hardness changed him. But the older I got the more I understood that hardness and maneuvered my way around it. And he loved my grandma. He tried to fain a distaste but it was often what he thought we didn’t see that spoke volumes of his true feelings.

But I am a watcher. And while I can’t tell you what you are wearing or where you are going I can regurgitate what I felt and how you made others feel. For them it is a lifetime of love. They married at 16. Can you imagine? Children 1, 2 & 3. Life wasn’t easy though. And when I say it wasn’t easy I don’t mean like the wasn’t easy you and I face. When I say wasn’t easy for my family I mean I cannot go out and purchase the carpet I want and need. For them wasn’t easy was horribly disastrous family turmoil, lacking money in gigantic forms.

Thankfully, he married that lady with her Appalachian ways. Man she was resourceful. Somehow they made their small house a home. They crammed all in there together and added an extra layer of pain when money would allow.  He was compulsive like me. Checking the latch on the door. Sometimes so much you had to sit down and wait.

When I was older I spent more time there. My guy and I were bored or we needed “owning a home” advice we would make our way down there either by walking or by riding a bike. He always had a glass of tea ready. As my body swelled with #1 he loved to give it a rub and would shout at her as if she were deaf as was the rest of the room. We all smiled and giggled because he loved doing that. My guy and him bonded in special ways. He bought him his first lawn mower and showed him how to use it. He also loved to offer my guy a beer from his not so secret stash.

He was an avid and hard smoker but he paid his due and miraculously survived lung cancer with only a smidge of lung removed. We always told him they would be the death of him. But he was one of those people who hated anyone telling him what to do. If he decided to do it on his own, good. If not…shut up! I am probably like him a little in that way too.

Every word I have used is past tense. And I hate that. And soon it will be more permanent. He was a miracle survivor of cancer once. But this time I am not sure there is an escape and his days numbered but with what number we don’t know. He is my Grandpa. He helped to raise me. My family will be devastated by this loss.

I am posting this song because it is his favorite song and he has sang it fervently since I was child and still every time I am around. Even my girls sing it when thinking of him…


“We act as if life were without end, though we see and confess its uncertainty and shortness.” -Johnson

She said it better…

We lost something special yesterday.

RIP Adrienne Rich (1929-2012)

Rich's Reading in the Park

“Responsibility to yourself means refusing to let others do your thinking, talking, and naming for you…it means that you do not treat your body as a commodity with which to purchase superficial intimacy or economic security; for our bodies to be treated as objects, our minds are in mortal danger. It means insisting that those to whom you give your friendship and love are able to respect your mind. It means being able to say, with Charlotte Bronte’s Jane Eyre: “I have an inward treasure born with me, which can keep me alive if all the extraneous delights should be withheld or offered only at a price I cannot afford to give.

Responsibility to yourself means that you don’t fall for shallow and easy solutions–predigested books and ideas…marrying early as an escape from real decisions, getting pregnant as an evasion of already existing problems. It means that you refuse to sell your talents and aspirations short…and this, in turn, means resisting the forces in society which say that women should be nice, play safe, have low professional expectations, drown in love and forget about work, live through others, and stay in the places assigned to us. It means that we insist on a life of meaningful work, insist that work be as meaningful as love and friendship in our lives. It means, therefore, the courage to be “different”…The difference between a life lived actively, and a life of passive drifting and dispersal of energies, is an immense difference. Once we begin to feel committed to our lives, responsible to ourselves, we can never again be satisfied with the old, passive way.”
―Adrienne Rich

My own reflection: I have had the opportunity both personally and academically to read Rich. I always found myself drawn to her. But she is one of those authors that makes me wonder why I write. I either want to say, “What she said” or think to myself, “How could I possibly say it different or better?” Enjoy the reading below shared of her poem “What Kind of Times Are These?”

Today we bowled.

This week is spring break for my kiddos. That means we have been shoving in a whole lot into a few days. Today was bowling with Mommy Jargon and her kiddos. My two favorite photos from today…

365.141-Baby Girl Jargon and My baby girl #1

And their Mommas…Jargon and Rhetoric that is

Pretty sure I made it over the hill…

Yes I officially consider myself over the hill and my birthday clock most certainly hasn’t hit 40 or 50. What is over the hill these days anyways? Back in my flower shop days it was 40. But there will be no dead roses spray painted black for this girl.

Why you might ask do I consider myself reaching this milestone. I am not sure if it was my surgery, or life or just the direction I see us heading. But I feel like I am quickly approaching the adult portion of my life. Not that the last 16 have been my youth. But it was filled with those moments where I was young and stupid and we were impulsive and ridiculous.

I wouldn’t take any single one of those moments back for nothing. In fact, I would relive many if only just for a moment. But now we are here. Without all those reckless, living in the moment moments I would not be who I am today.

I have spent the last 11 years of my life preparing for, living with, nursing a baby. And while I loved every blessed moment I feel like we have paved a new ground here. My guy and I are beginning to see ourselves as more than Mom and Dad. #3 gets more independent every day. #2 is beginning to slowly and more healthy venture out into her social world and #1 has done gone and forgot us.

This world out there existed that neither of us could bare to think about or exist within it. I am sure with the two of us being in college the majority of those at least last 6 years have played a large role in that. We were too busy living in the moment from one baby girl to the next. And that was good living. But now it is time to do the raising.

I like being a grown up. I like doing grown up activities and it makes those moments where I am a mom all the more sweeter. That isn’t to say those moments when I sit in a professional setting or in my office conferencing with a student that I won’t long for and wonder about what my girls are doing in that exact moment and how I used to be a part of every single breath they took. I always will.

My home, priority and life is with them. But now they are also getting the opportunity to see me as a strong, independent woman who can multitask like a woman on steroids and see my guy as a provider, teacher and leader outside of our home and begin grasping what that has meant for the last 11 years. And those examples are pretty hard to beat by my standards.

And we see those struggles and young moments at home moments paying off. We are raising good girls and admittedly have much more raising to do. But I am much less scared of parenting now than I ever was and that is because I made it back over the hill where my time is spent less on surviving and more on what is important and I have the sense of judgement to recognize those moments for what they are. Truly very blessed moments.

The easy translation here. I have entered the realm of getting adequate amounts of sleep. Despite being up right now at 2Am. That is of my own doing and by my own choice which is totally different than being up with a child.

My one and only warning to my guy…

Mommy Jargon and I plotted a plan last summer as my guy spent another 5-6 hours on the golf course. She says to me, “Who says you can’t play more golf? I want to play golf and hang out with my friends that long no interruption.” I agreed and we made plans. But life happens as it does with children. Summer got away and we had our mild winter. Then spring break happened and so did our golf date.

We figured we would invite my guy the first few rounds so we could umm get coached since he is a golf coach. We made it a double date. Despite cold temps we made a day of it and I have to say we all did really good. Clearly we are no competition (yet!) for my guy but we were for the other three of us. We all had equally good and bad moments. But more than anything we had fun. And seeing my guy in his element I must admit made me fall in love a bit more. He was so happy and patient despite the “newness” of golf to the other three of us.

365.139-Come on admit it, he is a little cute right? Showing off looking all good at golf and stuff?

And my stance? It looks just as good too? NOT!

MommyJargon getting some coaching from my guy

Mommy Jargon’s guy before he decided to try a Happy Gilmore move which I admit might have been the funniest part of the day. Me and my mild crush on all things Adam Sandler. Oh wait, or was the funniest part of the day when we nicknamed him “pond”? Or wait, when Mommy Jargon and I hid behind the tree while he hit the ball and somehow he managed to whiz it right passed our heads and land it three feet away. Maybe that wasn’t so funny.

MommyJargon did something pretty spectacular here…Wait let me show you…

She hit the ball into the pond…but wait…it skipped out landed on the bank and then flopped back into the water

Cause I never had moments like that. Oh wait I did but I had the camera and it didn’t get caught. It was at about this time I declared I was sure I talked too much for the game of golf and I quickly tossed up the hand for my guy to zip it. MommyJargon reminded me that rules are different for women in golf. *giggles*

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My warning here and now is that I kind of liked golf. What started at as a desire to see what exactly happens on the golf course for all those hours ended up with me suggesting that maybe we enter some husband/wife tournaments. My guy smiles and shakes his head. No answer. I said, “Oh come, I am not that bad.” He says, “Well, you had a few good shots.” Gee…thanks. But I am warning him that I do intend to take MommyJargon out there with me to play and we will get better and will eventually kick his butt. Even if the golf course had me crushing on him a little, his butt is getting so kicked. And my promise will forever be broken. What promise is that you ask? I kind of always told him that the golf course was his thing. His “mancave” and I would not encroach it. But I guess I will have to limit those times to his golf coaching and league play. Other than that it is fair game.

Have I ever shared a recent picture of my guy and I? And yes, RedlipstickQueen, he rarely smiles or even talks for that fact. But I do love him!

She and I…We are BFF’s.

I just know if I met Ree she and I would be the best of friends. I have known her for a long time now. I love her. Then she went off and got famous. She is a food network star. That left me out there pouting that I lost my imaginary bestie.

No really, I have been a part of the blogging community now for ummm 12 years…DAMN I am old. I remember when Ree (aka Pioneer Woman) was just small time like me. Her cooking is similar to my own. Although I think I healthy her up just a tad. But she is Ree. Watch her, you will love her.

Now my guy hates hearing about Ree. I obsess over her the way people use to obsess over Martha. But it is hard not to when you can say, “I knew her when…” Now every Saturday when her food network show is on my # 2 and I record it and sit down and watch multiple times. Anyway…

Off to pinterest I went. And two seconds later my ol’ gal pal, Ree, that makes the most yummy foods did not disappoint and made it into at least the top five for the search term “tacos”.

PIN15) Therefore, I made my brother’s chicken tacos. And they did not disappoint. You buy Mexican corn tortillas, which if you are buying the authentic version are cheap, cheap cheap, and you fry them in a skillet. This added an authentic flavor and crunch will take you to your local Mexican restaurant without leaving your kitchen. I encourage you to make this. It is super yummy. Like she says, “it is a bit messy” but worth the mess. More like a Saturday night meal than a Monday evening.

I went a little light on the green chiles for the sake of my family, but she wasn’t lying. Go for the whole amount because it needs it to stand up to the tortilla shell. I also did a side of ground beef taco meat and made my own taco seasoning (already made ahead) for my baby girls. They turned their nose up at my “weird” chicken tacos. Enjoy and definitely a pin I will make again.

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Wanna see what else I have pinned? Go here.