Yes I officially consider myself over the hill and my birthday clock most certainly hasn’t hit 40 or 50. What is over the hill these days anyways? Back in my flower shop days it was 40. But there will be no dead roses spray painted black for this girl.
Why you might ask do I consider myself reaching this milestone. I am not sure if it was my surgery, or life or just the direction I see us heading. But I feel like I am quickly approaching the adult portion of my life. Not that the last 16 have been my youth. But it was filled with those moments where I was young and stupid and we were impulsive and ridiculous.
I wouldn’t take any single one of those moments back for nothing. In fact, I would relive many if only just for a moment. But now we are here. Without all those reckless, living in the moment moments I would not be who I am today.
I have spent the last 11 years of my life preparing for, living with, nursing a baby. And while I loved every blessed moment I feel like we have paved a new ground here. My guy and I are beginning to see ourselves as more than Mom and Dad. #3 gets more independent every day. #2 is beginning to slowly and more healthy venture out into her social world and #1 has done gone and forgot us.
This world out there existed that neither of us could bare to think about or exist within it. I am sure with the two of us being in college the majority of those at least last 6 years have played a large role in that. We were too busy living in the moment from one baby girl to the next. And that was good living. But now it is time to do the raising.
I like being a grown up. I like doing grown up activities and it makes those moments where I am a mom all the more sweeter. That isn’t to say those moments when I sit in a professional setting or in my office conferencing with a student that I won’t long for and wonder about what my girls are doing in that exact moment and how I used to be a part of every single breath they took. I always will.
My home, priority and life is with them. But now they are also getting the opportunity to see me as a strong, independent woman who can multitask like a woman on steroids and see my guy as a provider, teacher and leader outside of our home and begin grasping what that has meant for the last 11 years. And those examples are pretty hard to beat by my standards.
And we see those struggles and young moments at home moments paying off. We are raising good girls and admittedly have much more raising to do. But I am much less scared of parenting now than I ever was and that is because I made it back over the hill where my time is spent less on surviving and more on what is important and I have the sense of judgement to recognize those moments for what they are. Truly very blessed moments.
The easy translation here. I have entered the realm of getting adequate amounts of sleep. Despite being up right now at 2Am. That is of my own doing and by my own choice which is totally different than being up with a child.