The start of summer break has been everything and more than I could have possibly expected. I will proclaim one thing here right now. I hate very few things in life but: I HATE TRANSITION. I don’t naturally do transition all that well anyway thanks to my beloved best friend OCD. But just when I cruise along in life good a transition comes and my #2 struggles. I mean struggles translated into makes it difficult for the rest of us that live with her. She doesn’t mean to and in the times she isn’t melting down she is so regretful and feels just awful. But man, it is hard.
She goes from zero to all out raging, mad, loud, screamy, hard to please, not really a toddler but acting toddler like in seconds. And I try and be the good mom and practice what the therapist tell us. I do. We all do. But when it is directed at you (and usually it is at me because I am her person) you just want a break.
She looks to me for ques on mood. If I am quiet and not bubbly happy she is mad she can’t fix it. It sets her off. If I am angry she gets angry because I am angry. If I am happy she seems to change that too. And while I try and keep a mediocre and mellow mood all the time to counter this. Rarely, do I ever do mediocre and mellow.
And if I could just get in her head and tell her, “Girl, take a break” and she would go take her 15-20 minute break our lives would be much more peaceful. Instead, what happens we say, “#2 you need a break. Why don’t you go play piano or write in your journal.” We get all out war. We don’t love her. We hate her. Why are we so mean to her? We love her sisters more. If we would just go away her life would be better. All of this yelled in our face with spit, high octaves and all the frustration a 7 year old can muster.
And while I can tell you I have thick skin and that stuff doesn’t get to me, IT DOES. I hate it. I know she doesn’t feel that way. But I wonder, what if she does? What if we have ruined her life? What if we aren’t handling these meltdowns right? The hardest part is teaching her consequences of saying these things. Because there are consequences in the real world. Some parents would spank their kids. We don’t. Some may even say that is why she is like this. I don’t buy it.
What happens in her world is…it changed. She can’t handle that. It is an absolute sensory overload. The warm humid air overloads her senses. A loud TV overloads her senses. A strong smell of BBQ can do it too. Can you imagine living in a world like that? I try. I would be miserable.
I just wonder if I could be a better mom by helping her to find words for what her head is telling her. To communicate I don’t like it when it is hot. I don’t like that smell seems so simple. So why can’t I figure it out?
The good news is “this too shall pass” applies. In a few weeks, the transition will have been made and life will find some peace….Until the next transition.