Word to the wise, don’t use hand sanitizer and drive.

Yesterday was just the kind of day I needed. It was so chalked full of laughter that it could not get any better. We went MommyJargon’s for a family playdate. What happened was we did a pitch in and got all the chittlins fed. Then we abandoned them to play for hours, only to stop what we were doing to check for eyeballs. They had a blast!

We played the most hilarious of games. First quite a few games of “Would you rather…” where you made huge life decisions like would you rather have ice cubes come out your nose or a kleenex dispenser in your ear. Dang, why can’t I have both? I don’t think I have laughed that hard in a long time. Then we went onto playing spoons. Which is this really weird card game where you do this thing till you grab spoons. The purpose is to be sneaky or violent from what I could gather. I was horrible at it. And that MommyJargon, she is a sneaky little fox!

But oh my gosh, I laughed until my belly muscles hurt! But the best part of my day had to be when we got home and I realized I forgot some things from the grocery so I had to traypse back to the store and I really did not want to LIKE AT ALL! But I did. It was off to Kroger first and while there realized a stop at Walmart would not hurt either.
In walmart I was so over it. Ready to study and was driving home. On my way  I washed my hands with sanitizer like always.

Approximately two minutes later less than half a mile from my house I was driving the offensive speed of 39 in a 35 and soon saw lights. Yup I was getting pulled over. I quickly ran through what I could possibly be getting pulled over for. The only thing I had was my excessive speed of 4 miles an hour over the legal speed.

So the sheriff walks upto my door. I roll down the window. We go through pleasantries and I ask what I did wrong. No real answer. He says, “I smell the presence of alcohol from your car.”  I was like, “Huh? Me.” I told him I don’t really drink and no I wasn’t drinking and was willing to do whatever to prove it. The last time I drank was at Anna’s party in June. He tells me he will come back. He goes towards his car and comes back and says, “Wait, do you use hand sanitizer, it smells like sanitizer?” Me, “Ummm, yea. All the time. I just bought some from Walmart. Want me to show you?” He agreed and I pulled it out of my purse that I just used and pointed to three gigantic tubs I bought for my classroom from Wallyworld. We both laughed a little and I am sure he thought I was the crazy germ lady!

I did get to drive away with just a written warning for speed. My guy was guessing that they had to do so many stops during Labor day weekend or it would have just been a verbal warning. He said back when he was in the police force reserves they had to give 3 written warnings or tickets an hour on holiday weekends like this.

There is a moral to this story. In all my life since hand sanitizer was invented I have loved the stuff. But be careful because it makes you smell like a drunk and in the car that is a BAD, BAD thing! Thank goodness the sheriff recognized it and I didn’t have to prove I wasn’t drinking. But the good news is I wasn’t!

 

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