This weekend has been utterly spent doing everything graduate student oriented. I have been in school eight weeks now. How the hell did that happen? And two of those eight I have been running behind schedule. Sure I read to stay up, but as far as spitting out what I am learning and figuring out is a whole different story. The sacrifice had to be made that school gave a little to make way for my job, my family and my life. I really operated under the assumption that I sucked at life and work and school because I could not successfully juggle all three. But instead what happened is I read just enough, participated just enough but never truly engaged. That is not the school me. That isn’t what I like to represent and I looked in the mirror and I hated what I saw.
So I worked my ass off this weekend and I apologize for the potty mouth but I did. I worked hard to make up for what I did. I actively engaged both in my heart and mind with my scholarship as I am meant too. I had been phoning it in I think. Now I am not only thoroughly and utterly engaged I am ahead of the game. I have read quite a few weeks ahead. I have written down my thoughts and feelings instead of letting what came at the spur of the moment move me.
And the weird thing I realized is that Norton, my Norton reader, is a constant. I sat in the tub that last two nights reading about composition theory and I wondered why I was so interested in what I reading because really it is theory and I hate theory. But during tonight’s bath tub I realized what it was. It is the one thing I know and I am sure of. The theories by which I employ in the classroom, in my life and in my demeanor are the very things I am studying. They are all so familiar and I know where I stand with each and every one of them. I don’t have to make up some bullshit answer why I agree or disagree and I never had too.
It really just serves as a reminder that I am doing what I am meant to be doing. That I am nearing the end of my masters degree and that I was looking for a constant in a world that feels very fluid. Norton does that all for me. In a way, that people or places cannot. And while it sounds utterly romantic it isn’t. It is a book. It has bible like pages. But those thin pages that curl up from the steam of the tub. They make total and utter sense. Their words they are me to my very core.
I am the composition teacher that works within and outside of the confines of the theories. They are what I turn to when I wonder, “Am I doing this right?” or “Can I do this better?” I either become reaffirmed or recognize a change in who I am.
So tonight, I am so grateful to my old friend Norton and to the theories this precious books provides. You can take a bath with me anytime!