Hello my dear blog reading friends. This is dedicated to you. Those of you who stick around and read even when I am sporadic at best. My stats show you are reading now more than you were when I was faithful. Because I doubt your reasons for actually wanting to read me. I am convinced that someone has taken one of my photos and Photoshopped it turning me into one of those picture bound and destined to be on facebook or twitter and people crack up. I cannot quite pinpoint which one but I know it is coming. Because really? Mommy Rhetoric hasn’t been spewing the rhetoric as much. And when I do…it is the same old topic of teaching that is basically my living and breathing right now.
But not today. Today is about friends. I am weird about friends. In fact, I would venture to guess that I am incredibly weird about friends. Some of it is me being gun shy (aka I don’t want to be hurt) and some of it is I truly take friend at its very definition. Merriam Webster says friend is, “a : one attached to another by affection or esteem. b : acquaintance.” Me I always go with A. Always.
I truthfully can tell you I have about five friends who I share my all with and am totally myself with. One of those is my husband. That would be what I, in my head, call my inner circle. These people know my 8th grade perverted humor and love it. They get me and all my OCD weirdness and know the right times to call me on it and be sensitive to it. But more than anything, they are people that I would do anything for that I could possibly. I am fiercely loyal and will harm anyone that does anything or hurts any part of them. And I mean lion protecting her cub protecting. They always always see more of me than what everyone sees and what I see in the mirror.
The next ring (not to be confused with Dante’s Inferno) would be people I would probably call friends but really it is more like really good acquaintances. We have connections. I, too, am loyal to them. I want good and wonderful things from them. But I often wonder if they knew who I really was would they like me still. I never think any less of them I just hold them on the second ring so as to not be hurt and I am not always 100% myself. Sometimes they see glimpses and I wait and see. But I do love them and am grateful for them.
And then there is everyone else. I am a kind, kind person. I am encouraging, loving and really just believe that everyone has a good nature despite knowing and seeing different. But…..they are just people in the world. People that I think, feel and wonder if they judge me. Do they really see me? Do do they see my background, my life and just think they know immediately who I am. So instead of giving them that opportunity I just act the role I fell like they put me in. A Midwest, white woman, with three kids and a good guy husband and now a high school teacher.
That is a shit ton of stereotypes I gotta wade through and most of the time I am not sure they are worth it nor am I convinced that I am. So I just don’t. I fulfill what I believe they will think without ever really giving that opportunity to think different. And while I realize it is not fair, it does something amazing for my other friendships. Solidifies them, I guess. I don’t know.
But those five people. They are my best friends and they are all so unique and truthfully each one plays a unique roll or aspect in my life. And you know how I know they are my best friends? Because in the last six month my life has changed drastically. I mean turned upside down and inside out drastic and they are all still there. In fact, none of them ever wavered.
Some of that second ring? Well, they have almost fallen to the third. They don’t include me and I don’t really include them. It is what it is. Life changes. Seasons change. It moves on and people move on without you or you without them. It is just nature. Not personal.
Maybe some of what I have seen the last few months is that. Those changes….people falling to the third ring and people in the third ring I didn’t even know about now in the second. It may be weird and it may be funny. But that is me.