Just Write: I am gonna say it.

Eww. Weird feeling tonight. I didn't like the way I felt. Or better yet I didn't like the way someone made me feel. I felt rejected. Ignored. Not really cared about. This is the moment where I make a dumb decision. I speak my truth. It gets me in trouble. I don't mean to be blunt. But sometimes I
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Usually though I can guarantee it is less about you and more about me. You see I have been hurt a lot. I haven't had a lot of people in my life I can count on. I wish I was one of those secure people who lived a 100% good life with amazing people around me all the time. 

Truth is, I really have. Those that stuck it out were amazing. But the ones I thought I could count on,  I could not. So my gut check is always when you make me feel eww. I rip roar right through it via my bluntness. Yea it ain't right. I know it. And it doesn't excuse it. 

I try and stop it and sometimes I do. Tonight, I held it in. I grabbed my guy a little tighter. Almost 18 years of being consistent and never letting me down. The one true person who is always there. And it sustains me to hold my own and know that he is really honestly all I need. 

I struggle with feeling left behind. I am secure in every aspect of my life, but when I feel like you may be tossing me aside I toss aside first. But it hurts just the same. I wanna be okay. But sometimes I am not. And tonight I felt ewww and I cried. 

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