I made an executive decision yesterday about my blogging my husbands health. I really know there is a story there to tell as a caregiver and wife and I need to create awareness. I need to expose this disease and get people to listen. I can do this because it is kind of what I do. However, until I figure out how to do that in a manner I am comfortable with. And in a way I don't second guess the whole time by saying, "How much is too much?" I won't be blogging about it much.
Some of my reasons are really personal and I have no desire to publically air them. And some of the other reasons are that it leaves us both very vunerable. I feel the strongest urge to protect him. To protect his story and to protect my heart from reactions of others and from reliving what we are going through. Simply put, my plate is full, my focus is very much centered on this right now. I need a place where I can come and talk about something else.
As a public writer you air your business publically. With that comes the good and bad and usually I am willing to accept it considering I have blogged in some form or another for 13 years of my 17 years with my guy. Most of the time the cost was one I was willing to pay. But for some reason I am not with this. Not yet.
I know I will write his story and my own. I am just not sure of the medium or even what I want to say. The medium may only ever be for me. That doesn't mean it will be the one big part of my life that I never talk about here. I can't deny my reality. And this is most certainly it for now. But I can choose to talk about what I know I am comfortable with.
The support I have gotten has been so amazing and brought me to my knees in tears many times. And from the most unlikely places. But there are also the down sides to publically writing and it is the comments people make intentionally or unintentionally that hurt. This isn't about calling them out; it is about saying my heart can't handle it. My heart is so full with love and worry right now I don't have time. I need peace. You wanna critcize me on my parenting, teaching, blogging I say, "Come at me bro, I can handle it!" But not on this.
I just want to say thank you to you all for your concern and know I will keep you updated as best I can through facebook or Twitter @mommyrhetoric. I will share. I am honestly way more open about all of it on Twitter than Facebook. Mostly because my baby girls are not there. But warning now, sometimes it ain't pretty! And I will never ever lose that sense of just sharing my truth. That is the biggest lesson I feel like I am meant to teach in this world. To inspire, teach and create truth.