My blog isn’t for everybody. My family and my closest friends. I don’t think they read too much, or maybe they do but don’t say it. Sometimes I am too tough on here. But I always had one reader. One faithful reader since the moment I opened up my blog and started writing for the world to see many, many years ago.
That was my step mom. I know I need to write this and get it out. But I don’t know what to say. Some of it is shock and some of it is just ugh. It is too much. My strength is being tested. My will and my resolve.
All of which my step mom would tell me to get over. She had a knack for that. I met Robin when I was four. I honestly don’t remember a part of my life without her. I am
not gonna lie and tell you it was always easy. Because it wasn’t. Being a step parent to someone like me was not easy I don’t imagine.
But she always tried. She always was constant and she loved me. I could tell you of how things went for us and story after story of the good and the bad. But I think it is important to tell of what makes me the happiest.
The many, many late nights we stayed up well passed my dad and talked about life. We did this well into my married life and into being a mother and there was one thing she always convinced me to do and that was follow my dreams. Not in the repeated statement of go for your dreams.
She had this way to make me feel like there were no other options but my dreams. If I gave her reasons why I couldn’t she would always counter with a no or why not. Once I moved two hours away these conversations often took place in email or even facebook conversations.
We just had one not to long ago. She was always that person who reminded me I could do it and was doing it. She understood my love for writing, and books and life. She knew of my deep heartbreak this January and gave me so much strength to get through.
One day I posted that Kyle and I were having trouble finding bandanas for him to wear to cover his scar and she emailed me immediately that they were coming in the mail. I am talking 30 seconds later. I said thank you over and over and told her how grateful I was.
But I wish time was back so I could be sure she knew I meant it. I have spent most of tonight re-reading our Facebook conversations and oh my gosh it goes back years. Some made me cry and some made me giggle. But I will be ever grateful for them.
I have said multiple times in my life that it takes a village to raise a child. Some of that village is family such as grandparents and aunts and uncles and some of that village is friends. Well I am here to tell you she was the leader in my village.
My village lost its leader today and I am not exactly sure what to do with that. I have two amazing parents. But Robin was also an amazing. The will with which she fought for her life was instilled within me and that is a gift I will always have.
When I can I will share what this quote meant to me and how it involved her.