Just Write – Today I just can’t.

Three naps a night to get through the night.

A sink full of dishes. Homework. My own, theirs.

Waking up groggy, dreading going back out into the cold yes again.

A burning searing pain. It happens and I feel helpless.

Sometimes I pretend I don’t see it. Sometimes (most of the time) I feel too weak so I just grab on. I play the concerned game. Are you okay? Or even better, what’s the matter babe? As if I don’t know the answer to either of those.

The pain isn’t different. Nothing has changed. I hug him because I am afraid and I am more afraid he will see the fear I have. What happens this time? Can we all make it through it?

Or does he take three naps to get through the four to five hours before bed? Does he fill his body with meds that work sort of on a good day and on a bad they they are nothing more than a chalky sleep inducing medicine.

Some days it is easy to take it all in stride and other days, days like today, I can’t.


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