I know my blog readers are probably sick of hearing it but all I could think about most of the day was my guy. It’s his birthday. It was not the romantic, gushy I can live without you thoughts. It also is not one of those look at my life it is so perfect moments because in fact it isn’t.
He is 41. I met him whe he was 23. When he was 25, we got married. When he was 27 we welcomed our first daughter, then 29, and 35. Those are all just numbers, and life milestones but each of them creating this web of love, faith and strength. Then at 39 he had brain surgery and we knew something was forever wrong with his brain.
And I am weirdly not married to the same man. He looks the same. Talks the same. But parts of him will never be the same and I love him even irresistibly more. He needs me more than he ever used to and maybe that is part of why he is on my mind. I mean yea it is his birthday, but things with his brain are influx. Which means he is always at the forefront of my brain.
There is nothing romantic about that. Small talk of anti-seizure meds and pain checks. Dinners where all we do is talk about the what ifs and we dream. We take more chances and dream a little bigger. Lunches where we plot and plan our future as best we can because sometimes the what ifs are bigger and better. Breakfast wheee we sometimes barely even speak. Two souls so harmonized that words aren’t necessarily needed. Instead the rare small wisps of hands at one another’s side. Or a snuck in kiss between a made up face or as the teeth are being brushed.
It’s a blur, I know is it is my blur and he is on my mind. Happy birthday to my guy!