I live a life daily that requires me to keep myself in check. It is a reality I haven’t always had to live with. But I do now and no I don’t compare this to living with terminal illness or many of the other the horrible life sentence type of illnesses. Thank God that isn’t what my guy has been dealt.
But what I can relate to and what I hold onto daily is something that Angelina Jolie put much better than I in her recent New York Times article on 3.24.15 where she discussed the possibility of ovarian cancer and the decision to put herself into surgically induced menopause for the risk and hope of preventing the cancer.
The beautiful thing about such moments in life is that there is so much clarity. You know what you live for and what matters. It is polarizing, and it is peaceful.
For the last year I have been searching for a way to verbalize how I try and approach life since December of 2013. It is a weird calming peace and all I see is clarity. That clarity has helped me to find and attain much more Grace than I ever believed I could have ever had. The clarity helps me to remember what is important in times where it is easy to get caught up in what is not important.
Some of that is faith in something bigger than myself, but some of it is just keeping my life in perspective. That doesn’t mean that I don’t sometimes get caught up in the things that don’t really matter because of my own selfishness or pride. But I am much better at stepping outside of myself and recognizing the value of people, places and things and more than anything the important moments.
I recognize that the 20 minutes my older two and I spent trying to take a picture of our hair buns was a moment they will always remember. One that I will remember. I look through the 100 pictures of the 20 minutes and I giggle and smile at each one. That is clarity. It reminds me to get less caught up in the fact that I have a lot on my plate and saying I am too busy to stop for just a minute and enjoy the stupid silly moments of life.
It also reminds me that maybe just maybe that fight isn’t worth fighting for. Or maybe making sure I am heard and understood by someone who really doesn’t want to hear what I have to say anyway isn’t important. That too is clarity.
Do I suggest that we all glean this great perspective from some life changing moment? No. I don’t. What I do say is take this blog entry for what it is. A small moment of clarity when I look around and see hate and aggravation by ideologies and beliefs that are not similar to our own and respond with a little less hate and a little more love and I guarantee there will be a small moment of clarity.
It is all clarity. So yes Angelina, I get it. I am not perfect, but I have clarity and I am grateful for it!