Here is the deal. I want to write….but I have an issue. I don’t know what I want to write about. I could write that today I am four months into my revolution and I am falling in love with myself more daily. I woke up this morning and touched my side and the difference was startling. I could startle myself daily.
But then there will be a quick snapped photo here or there and I hate what I see. I am disgusted that it isn’t happening quick enough. I see others melt away twenty pounds like it is a small bike ride.
And I want to quit. But I don’t. My mind always belts out, “You’ve come this far.”
Or I could write about me sharing a story with my students today about how I was made fun of in school. And I hated what people said about me and my family. I hated it so much that I couldn’t wait to look back at them and show them I had done the things they never said I would. I looked over and saw two students high five that I met my dream. The moment innocent, but they were proud of me. We all three smiled and I had my standard warm fuzzy.
Or I could talk about how I felt ready to talk about trigeminal neuralgia to them. But I really wasn’t. It firmly placed a lump in my throat the size of Montana. Then I felt all frustrated and mad and had the poor me moment. The ones I hate to have.
Or I could talk about the text I got from my guy mid day. The one that said he too was having a crappy day. And then I felt like I had to not tell him I was having a bad. Two bad days equals two really crappy bad days.
Then I think hey it is perspective. I am alive. My family is alive. We are good. Life is good. And I breathed deep and exhaled. We have doctors and meds and each other. And really isn’t having each other everything.
But then I am angry again. I am not even forty and ugh. Ugh!
But the part I really want to tell you about was the fact that my daughters are amazing, beautiful people. My oldest sees literally no boundaries to her abilities. Sometimes I just want to scream out, “Slow down! There is still time for that.” Or I just want to brag for a minute that her Academic team got runners up in the state competition.
And my # 2 her beauty is breathtaking and the challenges she has overcome sometimes get ignored, but wow! Her abilities and things she will do in this world. Her personality. She is the whole package.
And my # 3 who wrote me the sweetest card and said, “You must answer the question mom. I just have to know the answer.” I open it on the card it is says, “Who is your fav dauter? I bet me.” And oh my gosh. That is being a mom. I read it aloud and she declares, “Mom, I just can’t wait you have to tell me.” I respond no. I can’t. She says, “Okay, I guess I will wait till Sunday.”
Oh those moments. They will and are fleeting. The rush and blur of life. It is hard to keep up sometimes. But I am one lucky broad.
So writing seems important now to capture the day. To capture how antsy I am to see my guy. I want to tell him it will get better. I want to see his face and remind him life is good. I want to tell him the stories of our days.
That why I do this. It captures the this and that and that is living life.