My weight loss has slowed. My inch loss has slowed. My muscle mass has gained. Sometimes I get bored with eating some of the thing I try and do on repeat because I know they work for me. This could be the makings for giving up. Notice I said could. But I am not. I will not.
I am instead ramping it up. I have spent the last three weeks running 2-3 times a week. Sometimes I do a 5K program on my phone. Sometimes I try and outpace myself. Sometimes I just walk/jog until I get in my desired mileage.
I am hoping beyond hope that this speeds things back up for me. I am used to losing 2-2.5 lbs a week and last week I lost .5 and 1 inch. That is low for me. I didn’t eat worse. I ate normal minus my anniversary night, but Kpuff said the most wonderful thing to me one time. I believe it was Pinterest wisdom she said, but it worked. You don’t lose all your weight in one work out, so you won’t gain all your weight back in one meal.
And I know this. It truly is a series of choices made on a daily basis that determine the success or failure of my journey. But honestly most of this is a mental battle anyway. That one anniversary meal made me beat myself up for days. One silly meal where my calories for the day were still at a deficit from the amount of burned (the magic losing weight formula). But mentally I made myself into a human punching bag.
I have been trying really hard to gentle with myself when I am like that and do things that make me feel good. Maybe it is buying greener salads (not something I particularly like) or maybe it is running a bit faster pace. Or my favorite an amazing workout with Kpuff. Those tend to bring me up.
Or I snap a shot of me that reminds me of the loss. Today I went for a short run to try and run a bit quicker than I have been (and I did…yeah!) but I set my camera to snap photos of my cool down and stretching. I knew it would get weird angles. But one picture in particular which I will share it captured my neck and my shoulder blades.
This continues to be an area that I look at to remind me of how far I have come. The work has been so hard for me to discredit it because I hate that I am jiggly in my stomach or jiggly in my arms. The one thing that tends to get overshadowed when I focus on that is how stinking healthy I feel.
I feel so good. That is probably the biggest compliment I have gotten over the last few weeks about how healthy I look compared to how I was. And I feel it. My skin radiates my diet and exercise. I feel strong and capable in ways I never was. Or the fact that I can feel my hip bones protruding. Something I don’t remember ever feeling in my lifetime ever (how sad is that?). Or the fact that in this picture you can sink sunken skin where my breast bone is up there? Or that Kpuff and I did an amazing intense work out last night that we would have never even dreamed of trying five months ago? That ALL has to count for something. Especially when I wake up and feel less than.
If you follow me on social media you have seen my tags of #lessofme #lessofmereallyisathing and the second was just born out of the realization that I am doing this. It is damn hard though. The food is easy. I never feel deprived. Bored sometimes yes, but never deprived. The physical is easy. I live for the endorphins of an amazing work out. It is the mind. It is the mind constantly trying to lull me back into a state of laziness so I can hide the real me. The one who has been itching to come out.
I want to say something witty and inspiring because I hear from those of you who read who appreciate my honesty. But honestly this is where my head is at as of late. I am following the mantra of one day at a time or even one meal/workout at a time. I knew the last goal would be the hardest because I know how to do this now and I gotta retrain my brain that it is okay.