In the summer sometimes my tuesdays run into my Wednesdays and Thursdays and so on. I lose track a little. But I didn’t today. Tuesday today is a few more days till an end. Without me realizing it and without much plan or forethought my life changed. When TN started and my guy had his surgery I felt like I was lifted into a tornado. And now I as I look back the tornado lasted way longer than I expected.
I didn’t account for the time to heal and recover. The time to figure who I was and he was in this different light. Our life was different before TN. Then I saw my guy at his worst and quite possibly he saw me at my worst following. But now I feel like the storm has passed. I feel like we began to reassess the damage and decide what was worth rebuilding and what was better left in absolute rubble.
Somehow in the midst of rebuilding myself my family began to rebuild. Priorities shifted and changed. And this Tuesday…today…is evidence of that. My day to day looks and feels a bit different but it is because life changes. And lucky for me they are the necessary changes that need to take place to heal my broken grieving heart. I am no longer in a dark and sad place. I am in the place where the sun sometimes shines so brightly you have to just close your eyes to take it all in.
In that rebuilding I have learned patience and grace. I have learned to let my tongue do less talking and more praising. I have practiced restraint and kindness where I have not always wanted to. For an average Tuesday that looks a lot different things really aren’t. I got up early and enjoyed the silence that is my house with sleeping children. I enjoyed my warm cup of coffee and my 20 minutes or so of Good Morning America.
I roused my girls and dressed them and feed them and off to my school we went putting some finishing touches on my school’s yearbook. Then back to town for my daily workout where I enjoyed some sweat, some talk and the sound of giggles from Kpuff and I’s #3’s. Then off to sit on the bleachers and close my eyes and soak up all that sun that is shining on me.
My # 3 began to whine she was tired and hot and I laid her head in my lap and whispered as I rubbed her head, “Be quiet. Take it all in.” I know those moments are fleeting. The warm sun, a breeze and the sound of stillness as busyness is all around. The clang of the softball bat and girls in the field yelling, “Mine, Mine, Mine.” Only soon to be erased by the sound of my # 3 decided to be the ball girl chasing the many foul balls that swished passed our heads.
That peace though. The silence. It has been a long, long time since I could sit in that silence alone. Afraid to close my eyes because I couldn’t see what was coming. But my faith in the world, my faith in myself and my faith in the good is being renewed. It isn’t a silent or easy growth, but it is a growth. It is further than I was last Tuesday and the Tuesday before it.
Love Always Wins.
I am attempting again to participate in the slice of life challenge. Want to know more? Go here.