I need to stop apologizing for who I am. I am not perfect and I don’t claim it. I have made so many mistakes and done so many things I wish I could take back, but the older I get the better I get at claiming myself. I am passionate. I am a conqueror. I am strong. I have achieved and worked hard for all that I have achieved. I have further to go but that doesn’t dismiss my distance. I walk comfortably in my skin. I love comfortably in my skin. The more real I am, the more I feel like me and the more I feel like I bring love around me. It all culminates into the being that is sitting here in front of this computer. The stages of life each one hard and irresistibly beautiful. I never asked for easy and when it was I made it harder and when it was harder I thought it was easy. I live and love in contradiction and I am okay with it. There is so much beauty there.
Thank goodness for Subway who lets me maintain my goals but grab food on the run when needed or better yet when I want too. My favorite go-to are their chopped salads. They are amazing and filling. Today I stopped out my usual spots and went to a new one that just so happened had a student of mine working. She took real good care of me. I get dressing on the side, no cheese, no croutons and watch the meats. I control every single bit that goes into the salad and ultimately my mouth! YUM!
Clean eating doesn’t have to be hard or complicated. And sometimes when I want more carbs I will have a sandwich and still feel little guilt. I am just grateful that it is an option!
Going to the dentist will never ever be routine for me. Yea I am dramatic, I know! But here is the thing…my husband in the prep room right outside the surgery room being stared at by four masters and top of line neurosurgeons were shocked my husband a suffering TN patient with a mouth full of teeth. TN is not a dental problem but it can easily be disguised as one. Most who get to the MVD have many teeth left. Our dentist kindly kept pushing him in the appropriate direction and saved his mouthful of teeth.
Insert anxiety naturally before all of this coupled with that and I was a mess last fall when one of my teeth was so brittle it cracked and exposed my addiction to pop and my poor diet needed immediate action. Now fast forward….even though I am always so scared when I go, I walk in and know that I will be comforted and cared for in the kindest most humane manner given my anxiety.
Last time I went I made a point to thank all them for the caring of myself and my guy. So yes I do love our dentist! So much so I have had almost two years worth of dental work completed in 6 months and enjoyed going in today to get checked out!
I think that is probably the biggest and most valuable lesson I have learned in my revolution. Things always changing and if they aren’t changing you are not moving enough. Sounds silly, but it is oh so true. I am in the process of adjusting and listening more to my body. I am doing this prepare for a busier schedule once school starts for me next week and because I was falling apart at the seems.
Since I have begun listening to my own body something awesome has happened. I have lost 5lbs and lots of inches. I feel better too. I have more energy. I do believe I wasn’t eating enough, but working out like a mad woman. I have been working out daily except for our rest day and then running about every three days. In those other days if I feel like it I will do interval training or I will just walk. Some days it is three miles or four and others it may just be a mile. Or if I am really crazy I will throw a bike in there or play softball with my softball team that I coach.
The aches that I had been feeling have all but left. I feel so much stronger and less drained. It has agreed with me so much more. More than anything I just listen to my body to decide what I can do. A lot of this happened after a very frank discussion with my doctor. For once my body is the healthiest it has ever been and I cannot jeopardize that by being stupid. If you would have told me in January I would weight and feel as great as I do now I would have NEVER EVER believed you. I imagine the same could be said for December or even January a year after I made the change.
These changes will not happen faster just because I decide to kill myself getting there. So yea patience is a virtue and another act of love for myself. A great example of love winning. Love always wins, you just have to let it. My revolution is no different.
So Kpuff is on vacation this week and this could one of two ways. I am not gonna lie I lose some motivation when we don’t work out. I know this though which means I can plan for it and plan I did. I don’t even make it an option. I tell myself it is happening every day no matter what excuse I throw at it. In effort to keep me motivated and excited I researched a bit free workouts and found a few really great ones. My favorite though is Pop Sugar Fitness on YouTube. It is a great workout with multiple time variances and best of all it is free. If you are looking for a great work out try it! I also did several of willmillion’s workouts on his channel. His videos sometimes go viral because he does them to current pop songs. His are fun, hard and quick. They are nice because they work you hard, but they are so quick you don’t have time to think too much. Those are my favorite kind.
Many wonder how I don’t hate working out and and want to do it all the time. That would be why I love HIIT workouts. They are high intensity interval training workouts which means you do them in intervals and they are quick but intense. Quick and intense for me means no time to whine and complain. I just have to focus on breathing and staying with it.
Sorry I have been sporadic around here….My guy being home consistently means summer vacation finally hit for me. I have been able to do a bit more work, do a lot more family things and a relax a bit more than I have been able too.
So grateful and proud of this guy! I am one lucky momma and wife because of him.
You know that relaxing I was talking about? Well it happened yesterday. I had only a few things to day and everything in between was covered in watching True Blood. My latest marathon watching.
So the day before was super crappy. I was so grumpy and for my family that means “watch out!” I was just adjusting to all the changes in general in my home for the last two months. Or as I like to call it I was being a baby. But thankfully I woke up yesterday determined to be in a better mood. The morning weigh in was grand and I hit a 50lb weight loss. I cannot even begin to explain how much I dreamed of that exact moment. I also cannot believe how much I have doubted myself. It was just what I needed to give me a little pep in my step. I know for a fact that it has been a long time since I weighed this and wore this size. I was looking at senior picnic pictures from high school the other day and I was shocked by how much I had even gained by then. I of course look at this picture and still see areas I desperately want to fix. But I imagine that will always be so. For now I am just trying to be comfortable wherever I am.
And then you don’t lose 50lbs by not watching what you eat. And some may hate it and say I am not counting calories or think it makes them a slave to it. I don’t really care. It keeps me accountable and I am honestly so trained at this point I know most of the calorie #’s of the things I eat. I can go all day and just physically write it down and get it spot on. A huge gigantic part of that is eating eggs for me. I eat eggs all the time. They are my go-to protein minus protein shakes and more than anything they are versatile. But I highly doubt there is a day I go without eggs since March.
And very soon my summer hiatus posts will be ticking down. I am definitely in the final countdown before school. At my building our contracts are extended and I basically return partially August 4th. 😦 But it is okay, I love, love, love my job and every beginning of the school year I am filled with that “I can’t believe I get to do this for a living” feeling.
The first year I had our now seniors I taught the book, “Who moved my cheese?” A book I had read at my first adult real job. A book that basically tells you the world feels kinder and you can maneuver it more successfully if you can adjust to change. But the book despite a kinda boring story ended up being a great and relatable metaphor that we all still use.
“Well, what’s wrong student?”
“Mrs. E, my cheese is being moved and I don’t like it.” Simple sentences and no explanations needed.
So dear blog all summer long my cheese has been moving. I didn’t tell you and it wasn’t because I don’t love you. Most of the moving had to take place without it being public. But backtrack to the last night of school when my guy and I went to dinner to celebrate our anniversary.
I told him that night that we had to make some changes. He was and had been stressed. Like a lot. TN isn’t caused by stress. However, stress is the biggest, baddest and most annoying triggers for his TN. I wondered if we shouldn’t explore other options for his job. We had toyed around with it before and even entertained a few offers but ultimately our hearts kept us here. But that night I said it out loud and it was as if I willed it into universe. We both agreed we would move forward with the understanding, faith and love that what happened in the next few months would lead us to our correct path.
In that time four job prospects came about. He has spent three weeks away from our family training, traveling for work and then kinda something that was hanging out there that we didn’t know about snuck back in. It was one of those moments that felt perfect and meant to be. And just like that we knew it was time. Time to move our cheese and take yet another scary leap off a cliff. It has been awhile since we have made that kinda change.
But ulimately I feel like it is for the best for all of us. The weeks of waiting and wondering what the right move was has been so hard. And scary. But I have a faith because I know love wins. This story isn’t entirely over and it may not be for awhile but it took us a really long time to get here and it will take awhile to tell it all.
But for now dear blog readers my cheese moved and even though it moved and change never feels Gouda I think this was love winning because it always does.