Apparently I went to bed on Sunday evening and woke up a much older version of myself. My joints are so achy. I am so tired and crunchy bone sounding. I am not exactly sure what is happening. I assume and (know some) that I am or have been struggling with arthritis in my knees. But apparently it has spread to my wrists and hips. I have been incredibly sore and miserable for over 24 hours now.
In my summer hiatus pic from yesterday you saw what we were dealing with yesterday. Literally, woke up to the first round and went to bed with the second. I am hoping and praying that is what all of this soreness is about. Kpuff and I finished up a trial run with Insanity Max 30 so I don’t believe it is that. We have been kinda back to do our normal things which seem easy sometimes compared with Insanity.
Therefore, I am going to do what I said I was going to do here and I am going to listen to my body. I am gonna give it a break. I am gonna do my regular work out with Kpuff daily and try and be okay without a run or a walk. I am hoping my body just needs a break. I have an appointment Friday with my doctor to talk about some of my concerns and diet, so I will be bringing it up.
But can I tell you how obsessed I am with this all? That is probably another reason why I simple time out may work. The idea of backing off my daily/walk run scares me. But I know it shouldn’t. When school starts it most certainly will not be an option. I have come way too far and I am nervous. I kind of feel like I am walking out on a thin branch on a tree. But as I said in that post and 100 other ones I have got to learn to trust what I know. This is just another exercise in that.
For example, the last few days I have not been keeping track of my calories in the same way. I have been writing them physically down and then inputting them in at the end of the day. I keep proving to myself over and over that I know how to do this. I always hit my usual calorie mark because I do it. I know how to eat and not eat.
I am not sure what this means for my July goal of 150 and it may still happen because I am going to count my daily milage that just happens naturally as a momma and person that just naturally never sits down. But if it doesn’t I am going to have to be okay with that. I don’t want to go from one side of the “weight” spectrum to the other and I am not gonna lie, I kind of feel that happening sometimes.
I quite possibly read the best blog post yesterday here. This writer captured exactly how I feel. I hate that this (my weight/my self esteem/my vision of myself) is so entwined with what others think or say or what I feel like they think or say. I know logically they should not, but gosh darn it. They are. It is a beautiful post that you should read if you have time.