The connection that I have had to Jewel, the singer, has always been so strong. I have loved and followed many singers. But each and everyone of her songs have touched me at different parts of my life connecting in only ways that make me feel entertwined with this human whom I have never met and only heard in my years.
I found her one day on the radio as I nursed my first real and terribly tragic heartbreak. I was 18 and I walked away from an adult life that I managed to get myself into way too young. I didn’t want the relationship to end, but something in me made me drive that car away.
I kinda like it in my brand new place
I wipe the spots off the mirror
Don’t leave the keys in the door
I never put wet towels on the floor anymore, cause
Dreams last so long even after your gone
My heart was shattered. Two years and what I thought would be a marriage was gone in a flash and I found myself in my own apartment alone and clinging to something. Finally a song on the radio, a voice unique and bold speaking words that burned.
Or later when I learned what true love was, that it didn’t hurt and that you could know what it was like to feel the sunshine on your face daily even when there was no sun. Her happiness some how cascaded into my own happiness.
Let the phone ring, let’s go back to sleep, let the world spin outside our door you are the only one I want to see
Tell your boss you are sick, hurry, get back here I am getting cold, boy it is you my hands love to hold
My second apartment ever and first time I ever lived with a boy. A boy whom I would marry 17 months later. A boy whom became the father to my children and who listened to Jewel’s Christmas and baby songs CDs with. Always playing in the background to my life was this blonde haired beauty yodeling her way into my life.
Her words and lyrics always struck me and made me own the way I felt. Her new book has me feeling the exact same. I am not saying we have lived the same lives. My experiences are not the same. But my experiences can echo hers and the way I feel when I read them….I can only think DAMN it….she said it first. I was thinking it.
And maybe that is what I have always loved about her. She is brave and says it. She says it ways I can’t find the words. Or I am too afraid too. What if someone thought differently of me? What if they don’t understand what I mean? What if I say it wrong? What if they see the real me? And no one can answer that.
“Not having access to my senses could lead to disaster, and so instead of turning away from my feelings, I turned toward them. I studied them. I turned to writing rather than drugs to take the edge off. I vowed to try to tell the truth about myself when I wrote-not the version of myself I had to be”
Jewel…you are my soul sister. My heart beats by you. Beside you and because of you. Your words give my own breath. I breath deep and write because I know the only way to the other side of pain is through it and the only one to save my soul is me.
And the moment I lose that I lose me. In my word there is truth and I must speak it to honor it.