I didn’t fall off the wagon, but it did try and bump me off!

I am all about truth here. I haven’t been perfect. I have faltered or I do falter. Last week was incredibly emotional and the last two weeks I have felt very much under the gun at work. Last week I needed to give myself time to throw a fit. I needed a woe is me and time to do the opposite of all the Facebook memes tell you not to do. I glorified the busy. My busy is my own creation though and I recognize that. The emotional stuff was at work and at home. But in that time I gave into comfort foods by way of evil awful baby Ruth bars that I bought for my girls. In the last nine months staying away from those kinds of candies hasn’t been hard. But then bad stress hit, a busy life, an even busier job, a few bad days and changes to my schedule and it was a recipe for excuses. I didn’t go crazy, but I did give in. I gave in three days in a row. Then Saturday came and I joined the gym so I can do different exercises from different machines on my off days or run on treadmill as the temps change for running days. I kicked butt. They also have weights so I can work on getting leaner. And I haven’t had any junk since. 

And I will be totally honest I felt like crap cause I ate crap. I quit on myself for three tiny snack candy bars. It wasn’t the same as not depriving myself. I don’t and won’t ever deprive myself. But I won’t use eating to comfort and that is what I did. This idea that I deserve it because it was hard. It being life. That is the mistake I make. Food cannot equal a reward like that for me. It just cannot. I eat crap because I choose not to, not because I deserve it. I deserve to take the best care of myself as humanly possible. That I do deserve. But that is also a decision. 

Now I will say that I have gained two pounds since last week. I am not really sure why because I know logically three nights of a few small snack candy bars won’t make you gain weight like that. I suspect it water gain or hormones or even the added weight training. Or even just giving into my mental stress for a bit. Who knows? Every time I add more than normal weights to my workout my body holds on to weight a little bit. I expect on Staturday I will be back down to normal cause I have been killing it. My plan is back in full effect not that it ever wasn’t. I worked out once daily with one rest day. In addition to that I walk or run or now do a machine at least three or four times a week. Twice a week I lift weights. 

My eating remains in tact and no candy bars this week. So stress won the battle but I will win this war. I already feel it. My goal every day this week is to be sore the next day!! I have done it every single day!



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