Parenting babies is easy. I mean it isn’t and heck when you are in it it feels like the hardest thing you will ever do. Then you get to the next stage and it feels harder still. But the reality of it all is that it is all hard. And just when it gets easier and you take a breath it changes.
The older my ladies get the less I like to share on my blog of their business and it really is just their business and not mine to share. I never want to corrupt that fragile relationship and make it harder than it already can be in the teen years.
Some may call the way I raise my ladies as unorthodox or not normal. And actually I am completely okay with that. I never want to be normal and I try and raise my girls to understand if they want normal it is their choice not because they aren’t proud of who they uniquely are.
That type of parenting has created girls who aren’t always afraid to question why or want to color their hair blue. But the other side to that is a I raised them to respect their education, treat others with the utmost kindness even when they don’t always deserve it. And sometimes they are different than their peers.
In fact, I remember my #1 coming home during kindergarten and telling me about a little boy who made fun of her. I told her to go back to school the next day and play with that little boy. She looked confused and said okay. She went to the school next day and she played with him. I asked her about it and she said, “Momma, he was nice to me today.” The lesson I was trying to teach her is that sometimes the meanest kids need the most love.
And truthfully I am so proud of the girls they are becoming. We are tough parents with high expectations and expectations they never seem to fail. But they are also kind, softhearted, intelligent and understand right from wrong.
I allow my girls on certain Social media sites with the stipulation that I am always connected to it with passwords and as their “friend”. I noticed it was getting increasingly more and more negative and I also noticed it was creating more and more stress. If there is ever a unneeded stress I can limit or take away you better believe I will. It kept building and building. Then one day I saw my daughter sitting at a table across from me crying.
That was when my guy and I made a decision to cut off the social media. It wasn’t even a hard decision. It was one of the easiest. Why let it continue if it hurts? She didn’t resist and has since been so grateful. She needed us to set the limit. And I began to wonder if I shouldn’t do it across the board. All girls and all their social media. And we haven’t decided yet but the longer we go with the separation the more I see the importance of maintaining that innocence. They know the world is cruel.
Kids are cruel. Period. My own children can be cruel. But why would I add another stress into their life they don’t need? I know my decision was not necessarily a popular one. But thankfully I don’t care. The stress of a tough curriculum at school, a dad who struggles with TN, a momma who brings work home way too much and just being a teenager and those are all things I cannot necessarily control. But social media and access to it…I can and will and do.
Now if we were talking about Netflix or Hulu I imagine there would be a lot more resistance. But Netflix and Hulu are make believe, characters and story lines. They are easier to explain and control.