A year ago I was in a bad place. I was suffering from severe grief and I was very unhappy with myself. I had a rough few years with immediate family members deaths, a chronic illness with my spouse and a few other things. I didn’t think it was a lot. When I was in it it didn’t feel bad. But looking back I see how bad I felt.
So my 38th birthday was hands down my worst. I was miserable and I made those around me miserable. Now here I am a year later and I am physically, spiritually and mentally 60lbs lighter. I had the weight of world on my shoulders and then I made the decision to change it. I had been down that path before. In 2001-2003 I had my first child, I lost a baby and had another baby, made a major move from all the friends and family and I dealt with all those dramatic life events in an unhealthy way. I ate to comfort, I found my world unsafe and hard to handle so I coped with anxiety by hand washing and controlling everything I could.
But not this time…I channeled that anxiety and energy where it could be used for miles on the road, taking care of my body, loving myself and those around me. I put my heart into my passions. My family, Teaching, writing, and using my voice for good in the world. So the result is an amazing life lived. True happiness.
My birthday miles way from my birthday last year. An amazing year lived and all of it before the big one. They say all the time to focus on the things you want to do before you are 40. Well I think I made this past one my year. That isn’t to say I don’t have some great things in store for this one….but dang it will be so hard to top.
So my birthday weekend in a nut shell.
This was my surprise…a student drew me a heart pic around my semicolon a little less than a year ago. I have carried it around with me and my guy knew that. He made an appointment and we got a consult on the pic. We worked on symmetry and this is what happened. Such a sentimental and meaningful tattoo. The semicolon has always stood persevering when I didn’t want too. But now no where in my life is that more evident than in my life and my children’s in the face of TN. Each heart representing our battle. The teal for my guy.
Trick or treat which I only took one kiddo this weekend. She went to four houses and was done. I would say I am starting to hit that sweet spot of parenting where mom and dad can spend some focus time on mom and dad.
I have absolutely no pictures with my kiddos but they were the biggest part of my weekend. We shopped. We lunched and we hung out. So yes that is the sweet spot I am talking about. No more diapers, no more late nights (but occasionally), and a whole lot of fun!
And my workouts with Kpuff which are no celebration because we have dedicated ourselves to this for 11 months now. But the fact that our friendship has done nothing in its 9 years but make my life better and more healthy. She is my partner in the gym and honestly has been for most of our 9 year friendship. This year the gifts she got me were centered around a place I could have never envisioned going, but voiced to her. And guess what…it is happening.
So yes this birthday was amazing, and beautiful and full of love.