People often ask me if I wish I had a son and if I am being honest I can easily answer no. It was never really something I felt like I missed. I always wanted girls and then with each of my pregnancies my guy and I would both get down on our hands and knees and pray for girls. It was just our thing. Some of it was security of knowing what to expect, and some of it truly was I love raising my girls to do amazing things no matter their gender.
But this morning after an amazing performance by our drama department I am sitting here crying. As I left my school last night I remarked to my colleague that I knew I would find a quiet moment and I would cry. That is what I do. I push them daily to go out and be amazing people and remind them they can do it. And then they do and then I cry.
My biggest flaw in the classroom is also my biggest strength. My heart, I teach from my heart. I mom them. Each and everyone of them. Some days I leave them feeling tattered and spent and needing more for me but then these moments pop up and remind me that I am here for a purpose.
But as I sit here doing an emotional landscape check I realize that I don’t miss sons because I have them. I have extra sons and daughters and though they aren’t mine; they are shared with me for this very short and fleeting time. I get to witness a lot of greatness in their four years with me.
Back in May I shared a moment of letting one of them go. I didn’t really go into great detail about how upset that moment made me. But my guy remembers. Two days of scattered tears and praying for the best. My mom teacher heart in full action. I grieved for the possibilities missed. But that grief was absolute happiness last night. That student came to our show. That student in the moment they saw me literally picked me up off of my feet and shouted all the great things happening in their life. My prayers answered in the greatest ways.
We are graduating our first class this year. Some of my students have been in my class 9 times in the last four years. 9 times of the highest highs and lowest of lows. I already see them thinking of life beyond our walls. The word amazing is the only thing coming into my mind. This idea that they will be adults and create these lives for themselves that matter. There is no other word.
My heart already aches but in the best possible way. I am blessed in this world. I know it. I don’t have a perfect life. But I have a big heart and tons of love to give. If you lead with love….you truly lead.