Remember when I used to do just write? I do. Some of that writing was my best because I just let the words come. Seldom do they come anymore. Not because they aren’t there but instead I suppress. Why say them outloud? Who really hears them?
Sometimes it just feels like all we do is talk and talk, but never really listen. Listening is the hard part I think. It requires thoughtful purposeful intention. That is hard. It is mostly definitely a weakness for me. I have a profession that requires me to do the talking. I am constantly formulating that next lesson, working on that next check for understanding, but the listening gets lost in the midst of the busyness of my own mind and formulations. And what happens at the end of the day is the opposite of what I want to do in this world.
To give a voice to the voiceless and be the ear they so desperately need. But I get lost in my own self, my own agenda. I wish was better, but alas I am not. So I sit here and I think about it and what I can change for next time. How I can make it better or how I could have played it differently.
I don’t have the answers. I am still figuring them out.