The outside and the inside 

Probably not gonna be the most exciting post I have ever written, but much of my health journey came to some sort of full circle a week ago today. 

As I spoke about in my last post, I under went a laparoscopic surgery last week. In order to have the surgery I had to do pre-surgery testing. My procedure was in a hospital that I have never set foot in. So I was new on the books. Which meant they had to spend a little extra time creating my “new health profile”. 

That was how the very 5am morning started. As we went through each and every question and I answered each and everyone my nurse eventually proclaimed, “You are quite possibly the healthiest person I have ever seen.” 

Then we dive into the my pre-surgery blood work and vitals. She then proclaims, “You are the healthiest person to have seen.” I literally had this surgery as my “blip” on the radar and my occasional need for migraine meds which I have used twice in the last year. 

Yes most of this conversation served as a confirmation of all my hard work both physically and in the kitchen. But it continued. My average blood pressure a ton down from where it averaged a year ago. A mean such a drastic change I didn’t even believe it. 

Those are all physical manifestations of the healthy lifestyle changes I have made. But the confirmations continued. As my nurse goes to put my continuous blood pressure monitoring cuff and iv in she has to go down the the child versions of these because my arm won’t give off a reading in the bp cuff in the adult one and my veins are so small for the larger iv. 

As well, the word “tiny” was used to describe me 8 times. Tiny isn’t really something I care about because healthy is the goal always.  But to hear myself being called “tiny” is so shocking to me. 

  Mentions of tiny were made on the lack of space I took on the surgical bed, transfer bed and the amount 104 degree blankets it took to keep my body warm enough. And finally on how my body fit into the wheelchair as I was led out. 

So yes much of this served to show me my changes were not just on the outside, but the inside. Which I kinda needed because of the forced 10 days of rest. I am on day 7 and I am struggling. I am trying to eat well. I have gained 2lbs. 

I am not too upset about about it because my doctor warned me there will be bloating for upto two weeks. But I am upset about not being able to move more. But in due time! 

I am just grateful I have had the ability to turn my health around so drastically and that I have fully committed to taking care of myself and making me a priority. This surgery definitely is a part of that given I have waited to have it for two years. 

I am hoping I continue to have the will and want to move on and keep myself moving in the right direction. 

Sharing some of the details. 

I had surgery yesterday. A surgery that has been 2.5 years in the making. The actual surgery itself for me is kinda personal, so I have been toying with sharing for the last three months when my doctor pretty much said it was time. The reason behind the surgery is what needs to be public. However, the surgery for me feels extremely private. 

I have post tubal ligation syndrome which is a kinda newer diagnosis. Though I believe it has always been around, but doctors just started paying attention and not telling their patients to see a psychiatrist. Basically women would come in and complain and their doctors treated them like they were crazy. Thankfully, I have never been told that. Essentially I had a tubal ligation with ablation and the combo of the two more times than not will mess with a females hormones and body. It comes with some nasty symptoms (or side effects depending on how you look at it). They don’t really know why these things are happening and they just started acknowledging it as a thing in late 2011. 

I had the original surgery 5 years ago. If you read here back then you probably remember I got really sick immediately following surgery. I carried a 101-102 temp for 21 days and I incessantly vomited all 21 days. No one could really figure out what the problem was. They say this is pretty normal for this procedure basically because it cuts off blood flow from tubes to uterus.  Once I got better things were going relatively well till about a little more than two years ago right before my guy got TN sick. 

I suddenly suffered from dibilitating pain at random times and always on my left side. The doctor was ready to go in and see what needed to be fixed to get rid of the pain. This would have been 2013. Though he didn’t calls it PTLS,  so imagine it wasn’t figured out even then by my doctors office. Then my guy got sick and I refused to even consider surgery and I just learned to cope with heating pads and and warm baths. It got to the point eventually that I was diagnosed twice with bleeding ulcers from my excessive Advil usage to cope with the pain. 

Every time I saw my doctor and he discussed this surgery and I had another ultrasound he would push for the surgery. But  

 with my Guy’s current health situation I was not in the position to have him take care of me after a surgery and TN pain can literally change by the second. I had to be available to him. 

In November of this year finally the pain got so bad I knew it was time to do something. So I began the process for the surgery. It was discovered I had massive amounts of scar tissue and fluid stuck all over my uterus and tubes because of the previous procedure. The surgery I had yesterday was to remove the scar tissue so that that the trapped fluid could leave. This was attempted in hopes it will help with the horrible pain I have. If not…this summer I will undergo a total hysterectomy. 

Again the important part of this post isn’t the personal side of this surgery. Instead I am sharing so others can read my symptoms. My doctor left his practice earlier this fall and I switched to a new doctor that actually not only knew about PTLS, but she made a quick diagnosis. She told me the name and told me to look it up. And if I am being honest I was grateful and shocked to see that others were suffering like me. So I hope to do the same as what all the brave and courageous women who were sharing stories similar to my own. 

My Symptoms of Post Tubal Ligation Syndrome 

  • Immediately following surgery there were unexplained complications like fever and nausea
  • Peeling and cracked finger nails
  • Random pain in your abdomen that radiates through hips and knees
  • Excessive mood swings 
  • Achy joints (especially knees) 
  • Weird acne in weird places
  • Bleeding ulcers and stomach pain from excessive use of Tylenol, Advil and Motrin 
  • Hair falling out in huge clumps 
  • Depression

Just remember these are my symptoms. I know others have different symptoms, but most are usually similar. The part I find odd is I was in less pain immediately after the surgery compared with the pain I had the week before. That tells me how bad the pain truly was/is. I go for a follow up in three weeks to see if the pain has subsided. Crossing my fingers it does. 

There isn’t much I am thankful for when it comes to TN. However, I am on this. This was/is so minor compared with what we have gone through with my guy. The nurse and I were even joking compared to Kyle this is nothing. It just had finally gotten to a point where it was disrupting my life on a regular basis. 

So here’s to hoping this fixed things. 

It is NOT the most wonderful time of year. 

This time of year is where my motivation is most lacking. The cold weather and the rain. Kpuff and I’s schedule is very conflicting so we don’t get to work out together as much. So to me it feels like the perfect storm to make excuses and not carry through and some days that wins. I keep reminding myself it passes quickly. But I still hate it none the less. 

I am anxious for the warmer weather so I can run. Treadmill running even with my own spicing it up with different  

 intervals is awful and I can never do as much as I can do outside. We are in a workout program, P90X3, and I like it okay. It isn’t awful or anything. I think it is mostly because most of it I haven’t been able to do with Kpuff and I am having surgery in two weeks where I have to take a 10 day rest. I feel stalled and like I am waiting on something. 

And when that happens I look in the mirror and see the old me. I feel like the old me. My mind plays tricks. The scale has moved down some. But somehow I convince myself I have gained weight and my clothes aren’t fitting. Then the urge to comfort eat happens and then I don’t and then I feel bitter. Most of the time I don’t give in and just walk around grumpy and wishing I could eat the junk. 

So I guess I am basically saying I miss my daily accountability partner. For me that has been a huge part of my success. Second part of that is I miss running outside. It provides me with so much mental clarity and keeps me from getting bored. A treadmill doesn’t do that. I have a goal to focus on and compete with myself and I can look at a map and see what I did. Treadmill running doesn’t provide that. 

The most irritating part of that is how easily it is for my brain to slip back into that negative space. Without little thought or planning I am back to beating myself up and convince myself I am not doing enough. It is all crap. And it makes me mad, but yet I continue to do it.