This time of year is where my motivation is most lacking. The cold weather and the rain. Kpuff and I’s schedule is very conflicting so we don’t get to work out together as much. So to me it feels like the perfect storm to make excuses and not carry through and some days that wins. I keep reminding myself it passes quickly. But I still hate it none the less.
I am anxious for the warmer weather so I can run. Treadmill running even with my own spicing it up with different
intervals is awful and I can never do as much as I can do outside. We are in a workout program, P90X3, and I like it okay. It isn’t awful or anything. I think it is mostly because most of it I haven’t been able to do with Kpuff and I am having surgery in two weeks where I have to take a 10 day rest. I feel stalled and like I am waiting on something.
And when that happens I look in the mirror and see the old me. I feel like the old me. My mind plays tricks. The scale has moved down some. But somehow I convince myself I have gained weight and my clothes aren’t fitting. Then the urge to comfort eat happens and then I don’t and then I feel bitter. Most of the time I don’t give in and just walk around grumpy and wishing I could eat the junk.
So I guess I am basically saying I miss my daily accountability partner. For me that has been a huge part of my success. Second part of that is I miss running outside. It provides me with so much mental clarity and keeps me from getting bored. A treadmill doesn’t do that. I have a goal to focus on and compete with myself and I can look at a map and see what I did. Treadmill running doesn’t provide that.
The most irritating part of that is how easily it is for my brain to slip back into that negative space. Without little thought or planning I am back to beating myself up and convince myself I am not doing enough. It is all crap. And it makes me mad, but yet I continue to do it.