I only have myself to blame.

that makes me feel like I can’t make mistakes. Or maybe that I shouldn’t or if I do I should shamefully hide them.

But then I realize at the end of the day I am on the one that has to look at myself and the mirror and recognize this whole journey continues to be, will always be and has always been about me and being comfortable in my skin. No matter my size, my diet or what I choose to make a priority on a daily basis. Sometimes I feel like those choices let others down and that is a heavy burden. But I cannot bear it.

The reality is I am a wife and mother long before I am anything else. The reality is I have a job that I am in love with. But above all I love myself and recognize all of these things must have a place in my life before anything and anyone else. I have literally spent the last two months cramming every single thing into my life I possibly could. The last two weeks have been spent trying to dig out of hole that I had dug myself into because of all of that jam packedness. Well I made my way out. But God did what he seems to do for me when I do too much for others and not myself. He stopped me.

I have been fighting off a cold or allergies I don’t even know at this point. Thankfully, I don’t feel all that bad. But what I have learned over the last year is that listening to your bodies needs is so important and when you ignore it it will only scream louder. So I put my brand new self created workout calendar aside. I let my immune system do what it needed to do and I enjoyed the extra time with my family. When the fever dropped, when the snot slowed down and when I felt like I rested enough I knew my running shoes would be waiting for me. And they were.

I am not sure if I will start my newly created program or fall back on a classic….I love you Shaun T and T25. But I do know what I won’t do and that is beat myself up. My eating is all over the place, but the cool thing about my diet changes is that even bad eating for me isn’t horrible. I am not ridiculous and I don’t consume ridiculously amounts of crap. I eat clean and I don’t eat like I did two years ago.

I did have a Dr. Pepper the other day and I split it among a few days. Not because I wanted it. But because the fizz felt good on my sore, scratchy throat and because it gave me the boost I needed to teach my kids that day. I have been so busy I feel like even my classroom teaching had suffered, so I have been working hard to bring my A++ game for them. I love them all so much and we are literally ticking down the days till they move on from me and that always hurts my heart so much! *SAD FACE*

But I can tell you I am 42 days away from a 10 day trip to the beach. Yup, you read that right. The old E clan saved up some money since our mountain vacay three years ago and we made the family decision in December to head to the beach this year. We rented out a townhouse on the beach. We are so, so, so excited. We also plan to spend one of those days in the mountains (maybe two if we add one day).

And I told you all of that because I am thinking and feeling I wanted to hone it in a little bit before our trip. I am not sure how or what. But I want to feel okay in my bathing suit. I bought a new one in a size SMALL…so I gotta rock that! I guess that means a bit fewer carbs and definitely no more Dr. Pepper.

Moral to the story ladies (and gentleman maybe?) is that we have to take care of our whole selves. That is more complex than working out every single day and counting every calorie we burn or don’t burn. We are human and this life isn’t worth living if you don’t enjoy every single moment.

I have included all of these amazing moments from just the last two weeks. I did notice I did miss moments with my # 2 in pics, but it isn’t because I didn’t  have them it is because she is who she is. The moments we had were the amazing ones that last a lifetime. The ones with tears followed by laughter and introducing her to cracker barrel and the peg game. Yea that day I didn’t eat the best, but I did exercise.

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The moment where my kiddo got third place in a state wide art contest for a painting of a duck. With the same painting got picked to be in a special gallery in the Mayor of Fort Wayne’s office and went to an invitation only reception with the Mayor for this. Yea that day I didn’t exercise.

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From the student who I just prayed and hoped I would reach. They needed someone in their corner and felt it the second they walked in my classroom. When they came into your room and completely caught you off guard and said, “I was buying my mother’s day gifts and I wanted to get you this.” Yea, I had a fever that day and felt crummy. But I didn’t care that I went home from work that night and crawled directly in bed. I did my job. I got the one that could have fallen through the cracks.

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Or the giggles that ensue after an amazing early anniversary date with my guy, followed by your oldest daughter showing off just how old you are by having to help you set up your new phone, but the one moment when I felt a little less old when I realized my husband sub-tweeted me, but didn’t know what sub-tweeting was even though he is all “twitter” (ROLL EYES). Or the extra large crown my # 3 made me. I love it and plan to wear it all day Sunday! Yea I didn’t work out that night either. And I didn’t really eat the best because we were celebrating.

Life is about the moments. Live them in love Dear Internet. 

 

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