Sometimes it is so hard to talk about about the tough stuff. The moments where you feel shame, hurt or rejection. How do you admit outloud, “I am not good enough?” Well the reality of our world is often we don’t. Or what if it is worse…that moment you think the world could possibly be better off without you. Or sharing the small details that you think no one really cares about like, “last three years my favorite food was spaghetti, but now I don’t eat red food so I like chicken.” You just want to know someone actually cares about the minute little details or the deep and dark thoughts.
Life is hard you guys. Yes it is what you make it. I wanted to lose weight, so I did. That is easy. But I want to stop being hurt or being so emotional or letting people in my life and then letting them hurt me. That isn’t as easy to stop. But no one talks about that crappy kind of stuff. Instead, we play tough, we act in front of others or we just bury it deep. That is where the who am I comes from because that isn’t me. I won’t act. I won’t not claim my story.
I don’t easily let others in. I don’t let people in my circle unless I want them in my circle. It isn’t an easy feat to get super close to me because I am protective of myself. But when I do…you are in. That is who I am. There are safe people and safe places and once you are in, you are in. Once you find your way out, often you won’t be back in.
I share my struggles publically on weight loss, depression, my OCD, raising my children, my husband’s TN, and a whole host of other things. That doesn’t make me dramatic. That doesn’t make me an attention freak. It makes me seeking out connections in the world that share similarities. It also encapuslates a huge part of who I am. I never want others to feel alone. Ever. The world is hard and cruel enough sitting alone and thinking your story is yours alone doesn’t have to happen unless you want it that way.
I don’t believe the struggles I have in this world to be solitary to just my life. In fact, I believe my struggles are more than likely the majority. I share to be heard and hopefully let another’s voice be heard. I often say what I believe needs to be said. Maybe not how others would say it or in the time they want to say it, but it is my story and I am a writer and story teller. I have made most of the life centered around that.
I am an almost fourty something married mom to three girls who has spent the majority of her life living for and trying to please others. One day I woke up and my husband had just overcome the biggest health struggle either of us had ever faced. My life changed. No longer was I, Mommy Rhetoric, a reinvented version of my current crowd, or Mommy Rhetoric the ever dieting female or Mommy Rhetoric, the woman who you can toss aside when it no longer works in your life. I became me and claimed it without shame, with out fear.
I am a fiercely, intensely strong female. I am an in love wife. I am a lion momma. I am a passionate and caring teacher. I am a loyal and forgiving friend. I follow my dreams and lead with love. When I don’t I screw up…BAD and I claim it. I have many interests and hobbies that matter to me. I am getting a lot better at saying no. I am me. It may have taken drastic life circumstances and time, but it happened. It became my story and it won’t end here. This is just where I am now.
I am not for everyone and that is okay. I can’t be friends with everyone and that is okay. I can’t say yes to everything and everyone or the above paragraph cannot be true. And all of this is okay. So yea, that is who I am. I am an ever changing, ever evolving woman laying claim to my story.