Something happened back then. 

It kills me to admit it, but I lost a little bit of myself back then. Maybe it was the part of myself that gives multiple chances or maybe I just got smarter, but mostly I think I started guarding my heart. I still haven’t quite figured out the exact moment, but I know it happened.

No more will I let anyone hurt me over and over and over again. No more will I let others convince me it is my fault over and over and over again. I am no ones victim. I won’t cower in vulnerability seeking out a love or acceptance that I will never fully get. And I recognize that seems jaded and maybe it is. But I know in order to get love you have to be vulnerable. You have to love back. But I also figured out others have to be vulnerable and love back, too. It is a total package deal or it is no deal. 

Whatever changed has been hard…but it also helped me to see the light. I deserve better.

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