I am the face. 

Today is National pregnancy & infancy loss awareness loss day. I am the face of this sad and terrible loss. My guy and I lost a baby sadly between #1 and #2. We both were so eager for our second one that we tried for five months and nothing. Doc told us it was normal to and relax.

In a strange twist of a blood test I showed up pregnant when I thought I couldn’t be.  From the moment of the positive test I just had a feeling it wasn’t going to be okay. I shared that concern with the doctor so I had a follow up blood test that confirmed my fears.

I decided to go through the loss at home naturally with medicinal or medical intervention. We were both devastated. My innocence of the careless pregnancy I had with #1 would never happen again. You don’t get reasons why and no one wants to talk about it. The doctor told us to wait 6 weeks before trying again.

God had other plans though. I was pregnant four weeks later. My due date with our lost baby was June 3rd and my #2 was born June 25th. She was and is our rainbow baby. The term didn’t exist that I knew of back then, but she was our sign of hope. Her middle name Faith to commemorate the Faith we had in our future.

Pregnancy loss happens so much more than we acknowledge and it shouldn’t be treated with shame and silence. I had as many hopes, dreams and future plans for that small baby as I do my girls. We did name the baby with our A name and we bring the baby up on occasion. I won’t ever forget.

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