WTH Am I doing now?

One of the people I work with told me two weeks ago about a challenge she tried and really liked. She knows me as I have spent the last two years sharing probably too much detail of my weight loss journey with her. But she tried it and thought I would enjoy it for a couple of reasons….but the main one the time commitment. It is 15 days and they are 20 minute work outs with no warm up or cool down…so roughly 30 minutes if you add in your own cool down and warm up.

trainerlindsey1Maybe you have heard of it. I had because I had actually saw ads for in my facebook because I am always looking at health stuff, so it is always sending those ads to me. Which basically means I am ignore them. 😀

But I came home and googled it. Trainer Lindsey’s 15 Day Free Challenge and I signed up. It is carb cycling by the best I can tell and is TRULY free. She does endorse a particular protein powder, but there isn’t pressure to buy. The recipes do sometimes include the powder, however, she offers substitutions.

That was important to me because my body reacts weird to certain protein powders. I have sincerely only found one that my body tolerates well and it is Vega. As well, I don’t always want a liquid diet.

So today is day 1 which she calls a flush day and so is tomorrow. But that basically means trainerlindsey2lots of fluids and lots of peeing. It also means restricted carbs. Thankfully, I have been really restricting my carbs since the new year anyway, so my system doesn’t feel entirely shocked. Ask me tomorrow I may change my mind.

The basics are meals are broken up into 6 meals a day with a guaranteed dessert part of your day. Everything is weighted and measured for eating. You get a full meal plan with recipes and so far…so good. However, as a word of caution I typically eat fairly good anyway so it doesn’t feel as it is much of a shock.

I won’t lie though the lack of carbs has slowed my roll quite a bit. I wanted to run today because it is 60 in February. However, I can tell you right trainerlindsey3now I don’t have the stamina without the carbs to do that. I may have had it if I went this AM first thing, but as the day has worn on…NOPE! But I have worked out three times. I took a long walk, I lifted weights and I did the Trainer Lindsey workout. So it is all good.

The workout does seem a little short to me at 20 minutes and I only had a 150 calorie burn with her workout hence the other workouts. It doesn’t seem or feel all gimmicky to me which sometimes these things can (Detox tea anyone?)

Her secret to lack of carb headaches….pickles. Eat all the pickles. Thankfully, no headache here. More than anything I wanted a quick, low-cal, midday snack….so pickles it was.

So yea I am doing another challenge again. I gotta keep myself interested per usual.

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Gosh some of those moments are the hardest. 

When my girls were young I would gleefully share story after story and silly picture after silly picture on my blog. They were young, adorable and it was safe. Then they grew up, then I became a teacher and then I learned the world is not always so kind. I began to feel an intense need to protect them and their stories and I am extremely careful about each and every picture I post. 

But I am a mommy blogger through and through. I started there and my heart remains there. But clearly my baby girls protection comes first. But the daily challenges of raising girls in this world today didn’t skip me or escape me because I don’t write about them here. I wish life would work like that, but it doesn’t. 

But this post isn’t about that. This post is for mothers out there like me. The ones wondering, hoping and praying you are doing at least something right every single day. You aren’t alone when you sit next to your child holding their hand hoping for just five minutes of peace for them and you. The moment where you swallow hard and blink a lot because if you don’t they are going to see you cry and weak with no answers. The moment you wish they were small and their problems were teething and wanting more cheetos. Gosh some of those moments are the hardest. Those are easy problems to solve. 

You are not alone in that moment when your child says to you, “I don’t want things like this.” The words they utter that make you want to fix their worlds and make it all right, but you can’t. Broken hearts, broken friendships and broken dreams. Gosh some of those moments are the hardest especially when you look back on when they were young and gumming a teething toy and non-chalantly wished you could handle their teething pain. Can I have those moments back? 

I mean I wouldn’t want to truly go back, but those are the problems I know how to fix. Instead now my worries are the ones that keep me up at night, sometimes all night. I wonder, “What if they don’t believe it actually will get better?” Or, “What if my words, hugs and assurances don’t actually help?” Gosh some of those moments are the hardest. But all of my hope doesn’t stop the clock from turning or their worlds from changing. 

I cannot stop the inevitable which is time, pain, wondering and worrying. Gosh some of those moments are the hardest. But there is a positive in all of this.  There are way more good than bad and that bad has amazing lessons to teach. Those lessons especially once on the other side help us understand our own humanity, limits and boundaries. We also need to recognize that we aren’t alone. I am not the only mother worrying all night wondering if I did or said enough. I am also raising good kids who understand this world probably a little better than I give them credit for. 

Mothering is tough ya’ll – MR