When my girls were young I would gleefully share story after story and silly picture after silly picture on my blog. They were young, adorable and it was safe. Then they grew up, then I became a teacher and then I learned the world is not always so kind. I began to feel an intense need to protect them and their stories and I am extremely careful about each and every picture I post.
But I am a mommy blogger through and through. I started there and my heart remains there. But clearly my baby girls protection comes first. But the daily challenges of raising girls in this world today didn’t skip me or escape me because I don’t write about them here. I wish life would work like that, but it doesn’t.
But this post isn’t about that. This post is for mothers out there like me. The ones wondering, hoping and praying you are doing at least something right every single day. You aren’t alone when you sit next to your child holding their hand hoping for just five minutes of peace for them and you. The moment where you swallow hard and blink a lot because if you don’t they are going to see you cry and weak with no answers. The moment you wish they were small and their problems were teething and wanting more cheetos. Gosh some of those moments are the hardest. Those are easy problems to solve.
You are not alone in that moment when your child says to you, “I don’t want things like this.” The words they utter that make you want to fix their worlds and make it all right, but you can’t. Broken hearts, broken friendships and broken dreams. Gosh some of those moments are the hardest especially when you look back on when they were young and gumming a teething toy and non-chalantly wished you could handle their teething pain. Can I have those moments back?
I mean I wouldn’t want to truly go back, but those are the problems I know how to fix. Instead now my worries are the ones that keep me up at night, sometimes all night. I wonder, “What if they don’t believe it actually will get better?” Or, “What if my words, hugs and assurances don’t actually help?” Gosh some of those moments are the hardest. But all of my hope doesn’t stop the clock from turning or their worlds from changing.
I cannot stop the inevitable which is time, pain, wondering and worrying. Gosh some of those moments are the hardest. But there is a positive in all of this. There are way more good than bad and that bad has amazing lessons to teach. Those lessons especially once on the other side help us understand our own humanity, limits and boundaries. We also need to recognize that we aren’t alone. I am not the only mother worrying all night wondering if I did or said enough. I am also raising good kids who understand this world probably a little better than I give them credit for.
Mothering is tough ya’ll – MR