It starts with me.

That didn’t take long for me to cry. I am kinda known for it and I can’t help it, so oh well.


I posted a new youtube where I faced my own struggles head on. If I am honest I am kinda tired of no one talking about mental illness. I have talked about it for years here, but why is that we talk about it and we feel shame like it makes us less than? And every single time it takes me days, hours sometimes of letting the post just sit till I feel brave enough. Today’s youtube sat on my computer waiting to be published for five hours.

I even had someone tell me once my posting about my struggle on my blog was to create drama and to be dramatic. I understand that perspective I suppose. But then I think about those who suffer in silence and are afraid to speak up. They don’t have an amazing support network, or the teenager at home wanting help, but not knowing how to ask for help. That isn’t dramatic.

I didn’t struggle for attention and I found ways to cope and have been living healthily with my OCD for almost 10 years now. I think I have something I can provide to the conversation. A strength, a fighting spirit and a will to stand for those who can’t stand for themselves.

So if that is what you think I am doing or if you believe a teenager should hide in public and feel shame for being depressed, and we shouldn’t talk about suicide rates and how they are a health crisis then maybe you came to wrong place.

Thankfully, my mind never got clouded enough to contemplate suicide, but what did happen were the thoughts that life could be a whole less complicated and had I not had my own children I am not sure where that thought could have progressed too. If me putting my story out there helps one person to know there is a positive other side then doing the scary thing of sharing my story was worth it.

Yes I am scared. Yes I feel some shame. Yes I worry what others think, but I am doing it anyway for those that can’t and for my own daughters to know it is okay.

More than anything this is my why:

  1. Suicide is the 10 h leading cause of death in the US
  2. Each year 44,193 Americans die by suicide
  3. For every suicide 25 attempts
  4. Suicide costs the US $ 51 Billion annually

Additional Facts About Suicide in the US

  • The annual age-adjusted suicide rate is 13.26 per 100,000 individuals.
  • Men die by suicide 3.5x more often than women.
  • On average, there are 121 suicides per day.
  • White males accounted for 7 of 10 suicides in 2015.

All info from –> American Foundation for Suicide Prevention


We all gotta live this life…why not live it the best way you can? Healthy minds make healthy hearts. That is love winning – MR



One thought on “It starts with me.

  1. Pingback: My Year in Review: 2017 | Mommy Rhetoric

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