The Long Road and the Shadows

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“We keep moving forward, opening new doors and doing new things, because we’re curious,and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.”
― Walt Disney Company

A few weeks ago I wrote about this ridiculous notion that a “healthy journey” has a beginning and ending. Add in if you are a part of the “fitness social media community” I feel like sometimes it is set up with beginnings and endings. A new program is a beginning and weight loss or inches loss hold with this a magical ending point if you let it.

IMG_3422But I would like to entice you (really myself) to think about it taking care of yourself as a privilege and something you should be doing all the time. I don’t take care of myself and show up because of all these false pretenses that I usually think I am. I do it because at one point my health was so bad that my teeth were rotting, my health was at risk and I felt terrible.

I remember a time when that shadow made me hate myself. I hated how fat it seemed. What I noticed over time is I never looked at it ever with much love, but instead complete disgust no matter the size. No matter how “thin” I got or where my shadow fell.

I looked my three daughters and my guy in the eye every day and I usually did it on an empty tank where I often felt mad at myself and resented them because I thought they took that time from me. But the truth is…I did not make time to take care of me and I used them as an excuse.

I also romanticized this ideal that I had to be super fit, super skinny, and fit in a size 0 to IMG_4268be a success. Truthfully, that is never gonna happen and not realistic and it isn’t even really what I want because it sets me up to never be happy because the end is impossible to reach as I said in the above post.

So instead I am trying to shift my perspective and thinking. There is no end goal. The end goal is being happy in my skin, taking time out for myself and treating myself with more love. They love me no matter how I look. They being all the people and things that really matter.

And that shadow looking back needs to believe just a little more that love wins. It will always win, but you have to let it. That includes loving yourself a little more and a little bit harder.

So that road…it doesn’t end. It is called self care and I am on it. – MR

 

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