Recovery Week # 7: New Diet

I keep having to remind myself that I did just have surgery. However, I feel great. My exercise is great. I was able to run for the first time on Saturday. I technically was supposed to wait till 8 weeks, but I have been feeling so good I decided on Saturday to hit the pavement. I did amazing. I am not as fast as I was before, but that is okay.

I am also able to work out and have been pretty much every day since I started back at about 5.5 weeks post surgery. I still don’t do much jumping and definitely no floor stuff like burpees. But I am showing up every single day.

When I saw the doc at my 4 week post op we talked about hormonal balancing and diet and she talked to me about the hormonal benefits of carb cycling. She did recommend the full keto diet to get started for 21 days and then to start carb cycling. She said she has always seen good results with this. I kinda left it out there because to be honest it seemed too complicated because it was counting macros and then I talked with my hairdresser who sees lots of people and she brought up how healthy people have been in her chair that with the keto diet.

I took it as a sign and educated myself over two weeks time and started it on Monday. I love it. It is a little different (A lot different) than what I am used to so the mind shift has been boggling. But to be honest my cravings are curbed BIG time. I feel very satiated and I really cannot eat enough of the healthy fat type foods that I am supposed to.

And I am down 3lbs as of Monday. But I feel leaner because it is low carb. I know for my body when I am low carb I lose a lot of water weight in general, so I feel leaner. I plan to measure myself this weekend. I am pretty restrictive on the carbs right now while my body adjusts. But I know I am ketosis. I went into ketosis the 2nd day in because I restrict carbs usually.

Ask me how I will eat my tacos….I haven’t thought that far in advance. Everything but the shell I guess….AKA taco salad with out eating the gigantic fried bowl. I will let you know.

Work has been so good. I love my kiddos this year already. I had a handful of them before as freshman, but thankfully I know almost every single one of them which helps as we start the year. I miss my kiddos from last year. They are all applying to schools and getting ready for the real world. That is one of the hardest parts. I feel like such a momma.

Here are some shots from the last week.

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Recovery: 6th Week

This is where things really turned around. This was the first week I have been able to feel totally and completely like myself. I was able to forget I even had surgery a few times. I was warned recovery would be hard and it has been, but in the ways I expected. It is hard mostly because I want to do more than I can. I am not in massive pain or anything, but there is a built in something that causes pain if I take it too far.

My biggest struggle continues to be keeping my emotions in check. I get irritated extremely easy and I am praying I don’t take that into the classroom with me. Hopefully, I can just switch into Mrs. E mode and turn it off.

I was able to exercise everyday this past week. I did them all with no modifications. Basically, no jumping, squatting or floor moves. I did T25 which I consider my soul workout and was able to push myself, but was still extremely careful. I also took long walks every day and rode a bike one day.

So things are turning around slowly. The good news my pain has been minimal as far as pain I had before the surgery.

Most of my week has been spent planning, cleaning what I could and had the energy to do and I took the girls our our annual shopping trip. We went to Indy. Then celebrated # 1’s 16th birthday.

I head back to work this AM. I am so excited for the routine, but my family is home so I am kinda sad for that. They don’t start school till next week.

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A lot of really great memories were made this past week, so I am grateful and extremely blessed.

Week # 6 Stats

  • Gained 2 lbs
  • Walking 3-4 miles
  • Daily workouts low impact

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I’ve got this, I’ve always had this. – MR

Back to square one: My Comeback

Okay it hit. The hormonal imbalance. The what now. The blahs. I don’t know. I was driving this week and had it. The it I have been worrying about. The one I have been trying to convince myself I wouldn’t have. The one that I was hoping maybe I could escape. But alas it is here.

The feeling is, “What’s next?” And when I say what’s next I mean when it comes to my248 health and fitness journey as it is relates to my surgery. I am trying very hard to be gentle with myself because I know my body chemistry is trying “right” itself.

But I have reached the point where I feel blah. I feel less than, but I also feel more than. I feel unmotivated, but I feel the more motivated. It is just literally a balance of where am I? I am just trying to figure it out.

I noticed last week that I was feeling way more “rawwwrrr” and way less my normal cheerful self. For me, that ALWAYS means hormonal fluctuations. Even a few times I heard my girlies say something under their breath.

But I think maybe that is why I have been trying to push play every day. It feels easiest to go into automatic mode of what I already know. I know that working out and putting my fitness first will help with the mood, the lack of motivation and my eating.

It is truly hard to even put into words what I am feeling cause I am not even sure how. I am not depressed or anything like that. It feels like disgust. If any of you out there have had this surgery and get what I am saying send me a message please.

The worst was yesterday working out in the hotel bathroom. I was forced to watch myself and my body as I worked out. It was the absolute worst. I feel like I am right where I was when this whole journey began three years ago even though I know logically I am not. But the hatred I feel for my body is. My mind is there. I haven’t even gained any weight since the surgery. I have gained and lost the same three pounds in the last 5 weeks, but never went over what I walked into the hospital as. But the reality is I hate what I see and a lot of my old insecurities are popping up that haven’t been there in a long while.

So yes…I must fall in love with the process again. I know I am strong. I know I can do it. But I am definitely in automatic mode now where it comes to health and fitness.  I don’t know where this feeling came from and I don’t know how long it intends to stick around, but I am gonna do my best to combat it.

My doctor warned, others who have had the surgery warned me. I was NOT naive enough to think that it would skip me. But I am sure as hell gonna fight to move through it the best I can. I may not always like what I see in the mirror, but thankfully I am really good at trusting my body and its ability to know what to do which is why it is so easy to go into automatic mode of eating the right stuff, working out and then work through the self talk and hopefully more to a more positive dialogue of self love.

I am sharing in hopes that someone else that has been through this reads and doesn’t see my recovery as perfect. Physically yes. But mentally I still have some things to work through. Some of the timing is probably not the best either. I am usually pretty high anxiety at the beginning of every school year because of the amount of “things”. Thankfully my support network is strong and I can be open.

Some days are easy. Today and yesterday, was not easy. I will own it.

Tomorrow will be better. – MR

 

Making my life better.

Some have asked why I don’t sell the oils I use and I have lots of reasons….the biggest is that I don’t have time. But my oils are a daily part of my life and my kiddos lives. I am in love. At this point most of them I apply neat (meaning no carrier oil to dilute). I do dilute sometimes for my youngest.

I am almost two years into the oils and they have been revolutionary in my home. My kids use them daily, I use them daily and I replaced tons of medicines. I have also noticed all of us go to oils first before we go to meds to aid with issues.

I also use them in my classroom and find that students enjoy them and request that I use them to aid in productivity especially on work days or request them for calming. I typically use the same ones in my classroom. I mostly use thieves and lemon together diffused or peppermint. I try and be careful as I don’t want to over do it with any strong smelling oils.

I use many different oils, but I would like to talk to you about my favs today.

My favorite oils as of late are….

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I haven’t always been a lavender fan, but is has climbed to a favorite. It is calming to me which is its goal, so I guess it is working.

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This came as a recommendation after my surgery and it is used to balance your hormones and I can definitely tell a difference when I forget to do it. I forgot twice and I could tell immediately the next day.

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Peppermint has long been a favorite. I love it! It helps to make me very productive and it is just a mood lifter for me.

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My thieves cleaner is the best cleaner. I have basically turned into using it for everything. The two most recent things that shocked me in its use were I cleaned my shower and tub and it worked amazingly. I also used it on the hairspray that gets caked on the bathroom counter and floor. It worked instantly on both. I mean it was a piece of cake that required very little scrubbing on my part.

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Despite this looking like an alcohol bottle, it truly is NOT. It is packaged like that but it is not. I have been drinking this daily since January. It contains wolfberry extract and other oils to help with immunity and many other properties. My kiddos drink it too. We love it. It only requires 1-2 ozs a day.

Best News Ever: Week # 5 Recovery

Well headed into week # 5 and feeling so good. I promised to focus on the good this week and I intend to do just that. I feel wonderful and this is a testament to just how crummy I was feeling before. There are two ways I want to share that I know things are back on track and I may have said it before so forgive me.

My nails and my hair growth. My nails are stronger than they have been since the second I had my previous surgery. They would split, crack and break. I just cut them yesterday for the 2nd time since surgery. I cut them the day I got home to give them a fresh start and to see what would happen. They got too long for me and were so strong that they kept hitting things and hurting. And my hair, for the last 6 years the hair on my legs never grew. Now I cannot keep up. Unfortunately, it came with ridiculous amounts of gray hair which I have since found is typical of the surgery. The hormonal adjustments make your hair fall out fast and your hair regenerates new hair as fast as it is can and pigmentation is the last priority in that regrowth. All I can say is thank goodness I see my hairdresser next week. Momma needs some color!

The best news of all for this previous week though is I saw my doctor and I defied her. She was pretty skeptical I would feel like going back to work when we scheduled my surgery. I was positive I would. Well she saw me and was shocked by how well my recovery is going and determined this teacher gets to start school with her students. I cried. I love my job! I would never put it before my recovery, but I didn’t have too.

I have to go back with some restrictions, but I get to go back. The restrictions didn’t concern her as much as just post surgery fatigue and if I am honest that is my only concern. But we both agreed we have no idea until we try it, so we try. No heavy lifting of more than 10lbs and lots of sitting breaks otherwise. She basically said work smart because my healing is going amazing and I don’t want to back track. I still have a week left before school starts.

As far as exercise goes that news is not as good. I cannot do anything that jostles the stitches I have. I can do low impact exercises like yoga and walk. But no jumping, sudden movements and massive core exercises. And absolutely no running…she said in three weeks I could try, but she said usually her runners are closer to 12 weeks out before they can do a full on run. We will see, I do know that even when I step off a curb when walking I feel it in my core bad so I know I am no where near ready which is fine. I have quite the power walk down and she gave me the go ahead to walk as far as I want to as long as I feel good. My body will tell me when it is too much. I celebrated yesterday by my longest walk yet and walked 3.5 miles (purposeful) and almost 6.5 just in the day. That is getting really close to my normal for a day….so I am happy!

Now can I be frank with you? I took my girls to the theatre yesterday and we took before photos and I didn’t like what I saw. In fact, I cringed a little. I have lost a lot of my core strength which I am sure is to be expected. But it is so visible to me. I am going to have to learn to be patient with myself as I work to get it back and build up my endurance to do so because it feels wrecked. I am not sure in this whole body journey I have ever fully fallen in love with my body, but I feel like I have taken major backslides in that area.

I was also so swollen because of the post hysterectomy “swelly belly”. It is a thing. Google it. But I am going to have to just learn to be gentle and kind with myself and remember it won’t always be like this. My weight has fluctuated quite a bit, but I have mostly lost so it isn’t a weight gain. In fact, my doctor said I am doing amazing in that department.

So yea I am gonna have to fall in love with the process of loving my body again. It will happen. This week was a good week. Lots of movement, but also lots of rest. My kiddos have been amazing and helping out so much. My oldest chauffeurs us around. I can drive but I get stupid tired sometimes and she needs the drive time so I let her. My middle has literally be doing all the chores around the house and taking care of me. She does my toenails and my bending over for me and picking up things. My youngest is my runner and gives me lots of cuddles. My guy has been great to and patient with my mood swings.

Here are some highlight pictures from the week.

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Am I the only one who is always so grateful for my feet? I seriously am amazed at what I put them through and they just keep moving.

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Lots of rest time in the sun. This past week has been gorgeous outside so I have been making a nice set up to binge watch shows, work on my grad work or lesson planning. Or just watch my girl practice her golf swing. She has her first match Monday. Nerves.

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Working on bulletin boards in my classroom. Shout out to the teachers working and sweating without air in their classroom in the summer. The die cut machine was in a room that didn’t have air and I sweat. I need my kiddos to come in and help me finish them because they are higher and I am not brave enough to climb on chairs quite yet.

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Don’t I have the cutest puppy? She has also been a huge part of this recovery. She makes me so happy and rarely leaves my side.

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My first good and heart pounding walk. I burned almost 600 calories and was so happy and then look at my view. I don’t live on a farm, but I am surrounded by a farm. It is so gorgeous out here for this city girl.

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Lots of time with my ladies this week. We had to shop for golf shoes for baby girl # 1 and I took my girls and my mother in law to the theatre to see Beauty and the Beast. I had a former student who was in the performance, baby girl # 1’s softball coach was in the show, my mother in law’s friend was in the show and someone we have been watching dancing for years where my girls have danced was in the show. As well, I have made tons of contacts through my theatre kids at school that I just want to support our local theatres which are rich in this area. And finally, we have been what I guess you call bed talks a lot this summer. I love them. I am so glad they want to hang out with me, but I am also grateful they are comfortable asking about the things they do. I am one lucky momma.

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Week # 5 Stats

  • Down 3lbs
  • Listening to: I cannot get enough of Halsey’s new album
  • Streaming: Massively into Outlander from Starz
  • Working on: Mostly my grad work because this week ends this class
  • Lesson Planning: I have been lesson planning for my children’s lit class
  • Favorite things: 1) My guy and his amazing foot rubs or head rubs- He has been doing this since we got serious and they almost immediately put me to sleep 2) Lavender oil because it has grown on me so much this summer…I love it. 3) My puppy 4) Afternoon naps because they are the best

“Self-care is never a selfish act—it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer to others.”
– Parker Palmer

Trying to remember this always – MR

Week 4 Recovery: Complaint Department

In all interest of honesty (given my post yesterday) the recovery has been good, but not fun. The pain has been the worse pain I have experienced. However, it has been short lived other than the ways in which my body likes to remind me I just had surgery. So shocks of pain here and there which is completely normal in the healing process. That also shows me just how much pain I was in with the PTLS. It was a lot. Most of this post is gonna be about the tough stuff I am dealing with. Next week I will focus on the positive because there is soooooo much!

I seem to have two really good days and one that kicks me in the butt. On those kick butt days I rarely get out of bed and if I do it is just to our recliner. I struggle to move and feel like I have been someone’s punching bag. Still just walking purposefully about 3 miles a day. I sat purposefully because it is usually more in my house or yard or if I venture out. But my intentional for exercise walks where I am working on increasing heart rate and endurance. I have tried to increase it, but I won’t lie the feeling I get when I push it let me know I need to calm down. Maybe this week? I did increase the speed yesterday and shaved off roughly two minutes and 30 seconds off my mile. Sadly, for me it still feels too slow.

Thankfully, the hot flashes have really simmered down. However, the umm….feistiness not so much. You know how if someone irritates you and you think a nasty comment in your head….well oops it comes out. I am not sure if it is new thing or if it passing. It is not really my personality so we shall see. My tolerance for crap is really low. I also tend to cut through the crap pretty quickly too. Meaning my BS meter is super sensitive.

Sleeping is all over the place. I get super tired at 8:30 and then I get insomnia and then my body alarm still gets me up at 4:30-5. So some days I sleep better than ever. My guy is back in bed with me for the most part, which actually helped quite a bit because it felt more normal I think. We both still worry about him bumping into me because he moves all over. When he moves now though he started this thing where he just grabs my hand. I am not sure he even realizes he does it, but I think that is his groggy way to protect me and remind himself to not move much. A little weird when I am dead asleep, but I have gotten used to it.

The biggest negative is and continues to be sitting still. I just had such a different picture of my recovery. I envisioned feeling like I needed to lay down and rest and I do sometimes. But most of the time I feel pretty normal. The fatigue is terrible though. I call it stupid tired. The kind you have when you have all nighters or your babies first come home. No good decisions are made, you feel like you have blinders on your eyes and you have a constant headache. It does get better every week, but my family Dr. warned me it can sometimes happen for up to a year. But again the advise given…you are healthy so it should be less severe. But at this point it happens every day still maybe just different intensities.

The last and final complaint is the bloating. I don’t even know where it comes from. Sometimes it is obvious like I did too much. I watch my steps like a hawk so as to not over do it. I don’t want any sort of set back. But sometimes I feel like I did when I was pregnant and my organs were squished. This past week my kiddo had her 16th birthday party. It is a tradition in my family to do it up big, so I rented a hotel room for her and her friends and bought all the junk food, decorated it and set them up with our nintendo switch, they had a roku and subway and cupcakes. My # 2 and I stayed in the room next to them. Wanna see what happened…see below!

I grew a fourth month pregnant belly. I didn’t do much this day at all. My # 2 did all the heavy lifting and I purposefully didn’t walk this day assuming I would walk more than normal, but I didn’t even walk much and my steps were way down this day. Thankfully, this has only happened about 4-5 times and it doesn’t hurt other than hoping my clothes can accommodate. (BTW: This is me being super real…you all know how hard I have worked on losing weight and I know subconsciously this isn’t extra weight…but still.) I am told this can also happen for up to a year as your organs and body adjust.

No major happenings this past week as far as issues. I am still healing from and working on healing from my bleeding ulcer. I tried to pull myself off my prescription meds for it because I hate meds generally. My stomach wasn’t ready. I am thinking I need to add a better probiotic into the mix to help heal my gut. I just cannot do any sort of meds without it messing my stomach up. I am cleaning up my diet massively this week hoping to help. No dairy at all (lactose intolerant here) and switching it up a bit to heal I hope.

But you know me…I hate constantly focusing on the negative because there is ALWAYS good. The good is how great I have been feeling. As I said I will go into way more detail next week after I see my doc this Friday. This has been a great lesson for me that I don’t have to DO everything. Sometimes I try and this has been a great lesson in sitting back and enjoying the peace and calm that I rarely get.

Photos from this week

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How I prepare for my walks…Sitting…Counterproductive I know But Recovery life

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Obsessed with this song lately

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This was a cool moment cause I stopped thinking about what I am not able to do and focused on how darn far I have come. Me three years ago would have killed to be where I am.

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Baby Girl # 1’s party and decor

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Meal planning for this week with a visit from two special friends from my # 3 which she gave me because they are my fav.

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Trying visual syllabai this year. I can’t in my dual credit classes, but in my 9-12 classes I can and I love it. I purchased it for super cheap on Teachers Pay Teachers. If you haven’t heard of this site you need to visit. I love it. It is all materials that teachers create and the money goes straight to the teacher for a nominal fee. I love supporting other teachers this way and usually their ideas help me to improve my own ideas. It is a great place.

Week # 4 Recovery Stats

  1. Loss 2 lbs
  2. Streaming: Trying to get into Outlander. I tried it a year or so ago and struggled but on the recommendation from a friend I am trying again and this time I am liking it much more.
  3. Podcasts: Stuff Your Mom Never Told You – I really, really like this show and it focuses on women’s issue in particular
  4. Music: Childish Gambino and a slight (gigantic) obsession with Halsey; I also have been flirting with Lana Del Rey’s new album. It is growing on me. I wanted to be in love with it, not yet. It could be a mood thing. For me Lana is a mood thing. She is very chilling and haunting in her music, so I gotta want that. Right now I am really digging music that makes me want to move or lifts my spirits. Halsey has always been everything to me because I just love the way her voice sounds.
  5. Youtube: I have been a Miranda Sings fan forever, but when she split from her hubby (JoshuaDTV) almost a year ago I found him. He has basically started his life over and has been struggling with depression since and I have enjoyed his honesty and candor in dealing with it. I don’t really get into his typical posts, but I like how honest he is with what he has and is going through.
  6. Walking: Still three miles
  7. Favorite things: Planning for my new group of kids this year and finishing up this master’s class I am in now. It will be my last one in Com for now.

Onto great things this week -MR 

 

 

The Reality of MR’s Life

Comparison is the thief of joy. 

When all you have to do is spend 70-80% of your day sitting/laying/reclining there is a whole lot of people and world watching and a whole lot of I wish I could do what they are doing. Damn that stinks. The worst thing I am struggling with is following all these amazing teachers on Instagram. These teachers who have classrooms and exciting traveling lives all over the world. But add in those perfect instagram photos in general. The ones that are way more exciting then my trying to capture a picture somewhere else different in my house. Ha ha! I seriously don’t really struggle with this and thankfully it isn’t an issue other than I want to work out truly more than anything.

But what I have been thinking about is do I contribute to the perfect image of my life? Cause ya’ll it ain’t perfect. Right now I am sitting in my living room and # 3’s bag is still packed from when she spent the night with my mother in law. There is a bag of trash from my #2’s room. Shoes everywhere. Literally everywhere. No less than 4 blankets strewn everywhere and not folded. Empty glasses and exercise equipment I should have really moved before my surgery cause they are not moving now. You do not even want to know or even understand what my kitchen looks like. My kids try, but no one cleans the kitchen like momma.

This ladies and gentleman is my regular life. Yea it maybe magnified by my surgery, but it is the reality of my life. It is messy and disorganized and pretty damn chaotic.  I am raising three girls and not trying to live in a museum and the things we do together are way more important than how things look. We aren’t rich. Our house isn’t pinterest perfect or big.

Oh and my workout photos on my social media there is 6 to 10 before I pick one I like. Ah well!

But in the interest of being honest with my social media world, I decided to snap some shots of my true reality is and hopefully make things not seem as perfect as maybe I do.

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See this picture…it is gorgeous. It is perfect. I am not! I love this road and I love to drive it because it is beautiful. But here comes some not so beautiful things.

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Family picture where mom’s eyes are closed.

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Or the accidental double chin pic. Gross!

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And what the heck with that face?

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That is what my room has looked like daily this summer. A bed with a mess of papers, blankets, a puppy and pens. This is summer lesson planning when confined mostly to your bed. Look close at the floor and (ignore my lack of a beautiful bed skirt) you will see a ream of paper for my printer I try not to trip over. Or even better that blackish line by it. That is where one of my children thought it would be cool to bring me double sided tape when they were little. I panicked and went to grab it and they thought it was a game and got excited and dropped it on the carpet. CAUTION FUTURE PARENTS: Don’t let double sided tape go onto the carpet. It does this. My guy and got new carpet two years ago and decided to not do our bedroom to save money and the fact that we are the only ones really in there. Oh well!

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My legs have tons of crepey, saggy skin and this is actually a pretty clean living room even though it is pretty much anything but.

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Guys life is incredibly imperfect and that is okay! Love those imperfections because in my opinion that is where the beauty of life lives. I will never remember how clean my house was. I will remember that usually every Saturday or Sunday my kids, my guy and I turn on Gangster Paradise radio on Pandora and clean. We giggle, dance and get it done. Those are the moments and things that matter. Not that my carpet isn’t new in my bedroom or that my kitchen counter likely has some crumbs on it once in awhile. And those double chin photos remind me of where I have been and where I want to go. And they make us laugh. It is kinda my thing.

No thief here…just love! – MR 

Week # 3 Recovery…I am JUST that lazy!

I am pretty sure the funniest part of this whole recovery is the way people look at me when I visibly opt out of anything physical. My restrictions are nothing heavier than a coffee cup till I see my doc.

Picture this…three days post surgery and my husband has a dump truck full of mulch delivered and sitting in my driveway. It was July 4th and hotter than crap. He is using a wheelbarrow and a shovel and putting it all over our yard. As he is doing that his wife is sitting in the driveway sunbathing with her feet up. I am sure neighbors thought I was a real nice wife.

Oh there is more…at target with my kids. We had a cart full of stuff and I was told specifically not to push a cart. We wonder off and then we end up kind of in the way of a lady who was in a hurry and visibly irritated with us for being in her way. We make eye contact and she is giving me that look…like irritated, “Can you move that please?” Adding in my kids are kinda in her way too. I look back like no and tried to get my kids attention. # 3 is the only one who see me and hears me and tries and well it didn’t go well. At this point she is pretty mad I am not just moving it. I smiled and finally my # 1 sees it and moves it. The look and reaction I got because I didn’t move it was not so nice. Oh well.

Things are going pretty good. I did have some bumps in the road this past week. Thankfully nothing horrible and all completely normal for this recovery. One required dr. intervention and the other required me to LAY DOWN already! 😀 I just want to go on record and say that I have the best family physician. My surgeon is great, but not so great at getting back with me quickly. Nothing I had was an emergency, but it did need taken care of. Make that twice my dr. just said, “we got you”.

Then I was stupid…stupid…stupid. I don’t normally love when people call themselves that but I was. My family went traveling this passed weekend without me. I stayed home to “rest”. Well the freedom meant I did too much. I took a gigantic walk because I felt amazing. The night before I slept so good.

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I mean seriously, I slept so good I took a picture the next morning. I have been struggling a bit with insomnia and waking up a lot during rest. So I decided to do a big walk. I walked three miles and pretty quick. They left and I went to Fort Wayne….BIG MISTAKE. By the time all was said and done this happened.

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I am supposed to be resting. Here in lies the issue and I paid for it and my next hiccup. But thankfully nothing that 24 full hours of laying down couldn’t fix. The day after I walked 600 steps. I even told my instagram that day that it was dangerous how good I had been feeling because I feel mostly normal.

My biggest complaint right now is my appetite. I have none or if I do it is for crap. When I woke up from surgery the thought of coffee made me gag. It still exists. I love my coffee. I have one cup of black coffee every day and I still have been, but it doesn’t taste the same. I also do my shot of nxingxa daily and that has tasted horrible. I am still doing both…but blah.

I know my hormones are completely outta whack and I have been trying young living’s progessence plus to help with balancing them out. Just FYI I kept my ovaries, but it does take awhile for them to come out of shock or “wake up”. That I am sure is why my tastes have been screwy cause it reminds me of when I was pregnant with the girls and I am just trying to keep myself fed.

One last thought and a super positive from this experience is that when you are person that has lost so much weight and worked so hard to change your life and lifestyle and you have it come to a complete stop is hard. I knew it would be and I tried to mentally prepare because I use exercise to help deal with my anxiety and OCD. Last week was hard in this aspect. Then I took this picture.

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And I compared it to this one…

Transformation

And I remembered just how far I have come and just how I would have felt about being the size I am now when this journey started. That isn’t going to go away in 2 months time. It just won’t and it has given me a good mental break to stop being so obsessed with the scale and the inches. Now is about taking care of myself physically in a different way. You gotta love your body cause it is the only one you got. If I gain weight it is okay, I know how to lose it. So yea….I love this girl…I worked so hard to become her and I am still working hard to be her.

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I decided to finish up the required classes for my communications MA to teach college level com courses. I still haven’t decided if I will compete the program. I want to but I may have set my sights on a different sort of program. Time will tell. Between planning for the school year (we have three weeks left before school starts) and working on my grad course I am sitting plenty and I always have a furry friend to check up on me.

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My # 1 is playing high school golf this year. I am so glad. I keep trying to get her try different things in high school. She has played golf quite a bit but she struggles a bit with being perfect and I think golf is a good equalizer in that manner. So we will see. That is her on the course.

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When I get tired of sitting/laying inside I move myself out to my driveway and work on my tan. I usually got a podcast or music blaring in my ears. I usually end up really tan from running. This year I guess I will get really tan on one side from sitting.

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My baby girl and I.

Week # 3 Recovery Stats

  1. Gained 1 lb but have massively lost my appetite in a major way the last two days and I am sure that I am gonna lose unless something drastically changes.
  2. Streaming: Will (on TNT) and Riverdale
  3. Podcasts: My Favorite Murder (A classic for me) and Mogul (new episode)
  4. Music: J. Cole and Halsey have been on repeat
  5. YouTube Channels: TeachLikeAGirl and Mr.Thain
  6. Walking: 3 Miles when I am up to it
  7. Favorite things: Blueberry Muffins and my girls

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”
― Epicurus

On being grateful for where I am – MR

 

 

E – Party of 5

It has been a long while since I have updated about all of my family. My family has been so amazing this summer. Everyone re-arranged their own things to be 100% there for me and the family. It is not that I thought they wouldn’t. It was more they exceeded my expectations.

I remember so clearly the toils and tribulations of raising littles and just how exhausting it all can be. Don’t get me wrong, raising teenagers and bigger kids is exhausting too. However, I get to see all that hard work of teaching and showing them the way as littles is paying off.

My conclusion…I am raising inclusive, kind and self thinking humans. My goal to raise inclusive, kind and self thinking humans. I love that they are not afraid to be who they are. I love that they feel others hurts and are empathetic and kind. I love that they talk to me. I just could not be more proud of any of them.

My youngest (#3) is 8 now. 8?!!? How did that happen? I think because she is the baby I will always and forever see her as our baby. We definitely baby her a lot. Remember up there where I said they exceeded my expectations….she has done this the most. I never realized just how much I do things for her. She had her first birthday party with friends and she has a really great group of friends.

She is going to be in 3rd grade and is super excited about it. She is definitely my handful. She is so social and way more rebellious than her sisters. But I like it. She always quickly has remorse when she is super sassy. She still says the funniest things. Two days after my surgery I was begging to NOT laugh. Her goal to make me laugh. She did make me laugh too. She is kinda dying down with the shopkins, but every time I think she is done with it there is a resurgence. She also loves roadblocks (spelling??), barbies and hanging out with her Daddy. She isn’t sure what she wants to be when she grows up.

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Then there is my # 2 and she has been by far my biggest savior during this whole recovery. She has essentially taken over the kitchen and feeding this crew. Yesterday she made a comment about how she realized how much food we eat. She has pretty much made dinner and sometimes lunch every day. She is also cleaning the kitchen (sharing that with big sis) and going to grocery with myself or my guy. I am grateful for the time we have gotten to spend together during this time. She has just such a neat personality and we are kindred spirits when it comes to be creative. We have literally spent hours talking about planners, pens and stickers. Yesterday even she painted my toenails for me. She is definitely all about taking care of her momma right now.

She is gonna be in 8th grade (boo…last year before high school). She has an amazing group of friends she has had for a long time. She loves writing, music and is not afraid of anything despite a weird internal afraid of everything. I hope that makes sense. She is a trendsetter. I am not joking….she knows what will be cool before it is. I am not sure about her and college. She says now she doesn’t want to go. But I truthfully could see her blazing her own path that lets her dictate what her day looks like…be her own boss ya know. I could see her cooking, djing, writing or something like that. Maybe even a hairdresser. She loves photography just like me and the middle pic was me taking a pic of her taking a pic. I loved the way it looked.

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My # 1 kiddo has had a DAMN big year. She started high school. She started her first job. She is gonna be 16 in three weeks. She got her permit, has her first car waiting on her in our driveway when she gets licensed in November. She also played softball and is playing golf (we think). She is the child that most definitely has many similar interests as I have. We both enjoy being active and eat very similarly. She is way too smart; it amazes me because I feel like there isn’t anything she cannot do. She is so aware of the world and its injustices and definitely and empath like myself.

She is going to an early college and will be a sophomore. This year and next year she will be taking quite a few of her college courses. She is extremely interested in science. She wants to go to small college. Currently, Rose-Hulman is her first pick with Butler being second. She intends on being a doctor. Not sure where she is headed for graduate school so we will see. She is the momma when I cannot be and sometimes when I can (she is a definite leader 🙂 ). She steps up to babysit a lot and be in charge when we need her to be.

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Can ya’ll see why I am so proud? These girls are my reason why for ever single thing! I want to raise good girls that are world changers. I hope they make the world a better place to be in. I know they make my world a better place to be in.

And finally my guy. He has been so amazing. He had to yet again deal with the TMI aspect of being a woman and did it all without any complaints. He has taken care of the girls, myself and himself without any complaints. He has slept in the living room since my surgery so as to not bump into me. This is all while dealing with a chronic disease. The two weeks leading up to my surgery he was out of town for training. We haven’t had as much time to hang out and “date” like we like to because of the surgery. But we will get there. We know for us that is important part to keeping our marriage fresh. However, sometimes you need things like this to remind you why and how much you love one another. I spent the last three years making him a priority and put this surgery off because of his TN and fears of flares. So to have a slight role reversal was good.

 

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Finally Love Wins. This isn’t much of a struggle and is more of a relief to have done. But damn I love these people of mine.

Family is everything – MR

 

6-8 Weeks of Recovery? What?! How?! Week # 2 Update

This week’s recovery has been going way too good. I feel really good. The one major side effect that has kind of been plaguing me and I am told is really common and could last for up to 6 months to a year is the fatigue. My doctor said the re-adjustment of losing an organ for your other organs causes unwavering fatigue.

It is a weird tired. It isn’t the kind where you just lay down and fall asleep. It is the kind where you are in a fog, your eyes, legs and arms feel heavy and weak. I am just hoping it subsides a little the closer I get to school.

When I prepared for this surgery mentally and heard of the long recovery period I envisioned weeks upon weeks of surgery pain and working through it all. Well guess what…that isn’t what is happening. I am sore yes.

But the actual recovery is so long because there are internal stitches that hold your muscles, abdominal walls and organs all together there and you gotta work back up to strength SLOWLY so that you don’t have a prolapse. Or as I say to my family, “So my guts don’t fall out.” The consequences of not recovering well and following restrictions are huge set backs and possible surgery. Nope. No thank you. Don’t want to go there again.

So basically, I usually look fine and for the most part feel fine and then I bend over to pick up a shopkin and wanna die. I sit down and remember. I step over the tub wall to get into the shower and oh yea there it is. Or I feel so good that I do way too much and guess what happens?

I did this this past Sunday. I woke up and felt great. I knew I could walk about 7000 steps and not over do it. So I did an extra lap on my daily walk, I did some light cleaning and went to my mother in laws. That night my stomach swelled up and I looked 4 months pregnant. Yesterday I felt like I had a bowling ball in my stomach, I was sore all over and I was walking so slow. Oh and I took three naps and still went to bed early. I also walked over 10000 steps…NOT OKAY!

LESSON LEARNED….Hopefully.

To say I am going stir crazy is an understatement. The problem is my brain wants to do it all and thinks it can. My body says nope. I have lessons planned, I have home planned, I have watched too much netflix, hulu, and amazon prime. I have read pretty much every book I own. I have worked for my university on a committee. Oh and I am finishing up my final graduate communication course. Yesterday, I was so tired of it all that I just laid in bed, turned it all off and used the window as my TV. I am ridiculous I know.

But good news…I feel good. My girls have really picked up the slack as far as cleaning and cooking go. I cannot do any light cleaning till week 3. They have been doing laundry which I cannot do till I can lift more than a coffee cup (not sure when I will get there but know it won’t be till I see my doc at the end of the month).

I guess this is a good place to end. I do want to point out some positives from this because I seem so complainy.

  • My cancer risk has diminished significantly due to this surgery
  • My kiddos and guy have really appreciated all that I do and I have heard numerous times shock in all that I do in and outside of the home and how they cannot believe all that I do handle
  • I have had a lot of time to work on work and myself mentally which is good because I am one of those that rarely stops to do that sort of thing
  • All the podcasts…I love podcasts.

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Week # 2 Recovery Stats

  1. Walking 2-2.5 miles on good days
  2. Weight loss is same (it is very common to gain upwards of 20lbs with this surgery but I am determined to not have that be me)
  3. Favorite Netflix Show: I watched Orange is the New Black, but I am not loving it like I did the previous seasons. I feel like this season has no plot line and the story is messy and not cohesive at all. I also watched a movie on Netflix with Bella Thorne about obsession and murder (can’t remember name). It was meh. Felt like a lifetime movie to me and not a good one.
  4. On HBO I watched Loving and it was really good
  5. Podcast that I fell in love with this week was Mogul. If you love the hip hop scene I recommend this for you. I cried, laughed and sang through the whole thing. I also got some lesson inspo from it. Stopped listening to Gone at 21 because it was kinda boring.
  6. Favorite things: Ice water, my guy, hugs from my girls, my walks and my teal blanket from Target (see picture above).
  7. Big Brother (you all know I am their biggest fan), but I love it this year because all three of my girls are obsessed as much as I am and have always been.

Sleep, riches, and health to be truly enjoyed must be interrupted.
— Johann Paul Friedrich Richter

Yours in healing and recovery – MR