Oh hi!

I know I should really come here more, but Spring 2017…is BUSY! Our play. A kiddo in high school softball, piano lessons, a comedy show at school, hubby assisting with golf. A round of E gang colds (maybe working on a second), a thumb sprang and pre-surgery appointments. There are two problems and they are that there just isn’t enough time or enough of me. Both of which I cannot solve…so my blog you have gotten quite dusty.

But yea I am the same. I am a vicious cycle of losing and gaining the same freaking 10lbs over and over and over. I honestly hate the way I look in the mirror. I feel very similarly to how I felt before I lost the weight. But I am trying to do the reverse thinking of I remember I time when I would have died to weigh what I do now. Instead, I keep lusting after my new goal weight and then I feel defeated and blah. So I gave myself a focus almost three weeks ago.

I realized that my major surgery was going to be in about 60 days. I also realized right before that I was going on our family vacation. So I gave myself a focus. A 60 day challenge of just plugging forward with taking care of myself and yet another campaign of self love and hopefully exploring why I have to keep doing it over and over. I am on day 20 today. And yet again I fall in love with the process. My eating is and isn’t the problem. I know how to eat well and clean. I do really well with it, but there is always a day that is tough. My emotions are high and boom! I overeat. Or eat something that is counterproductive to my exercise portion of this.

I am not into shame or the idea of cheating, so I am trying to get better at just moving on from those moments. That is how I dealt with them previously and I have to get better at doing it now. I just need to not REWARD or COMFORT with food. I love food and for me when I do those two things is when I find trouble.

I made it a full 16 days without a rest day. Finally, I took one. I had a tough day and a lot of hurt/stress and aggravation around me that was weighing me down. Instead of eating my way through it. I took care of myself via my diet and binged instead on amazon prime and watched four episodes of Homeland (current show of choice) in one evening. I was ready and pumped to get back to it the next day. This for me is a true definition of a rest day.

So yea want some proof of what I am up to? There are a couple of ways to do this. Follow me on my main instagram account @mommyrhetoric (You can follow that twitter too). I also have a fitness account for instagram that talks way more about my fitness @mommyrhetoric_fit . And as a unique accountability tool for me I vlog almost every single day at my Mommy Rhetoric facebook page. I usually have fitness tips there, but sometimes I am just real with you. So come see me….Like my page and see what I am up to.

FebruaryAugustSide

I just posted this as a reminder of where I started to where I am. I have to REMIND myself.

I was 210 lbs and now I am hoover in that 140-150 range. (My 10lb yo-yo) GRR! But I am not giving up. Here are snippets of my last 20 days.

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Accountability through FITBIT Challenges. Whether with friends, with myself and my goals. A lot goes down here including my calorie counts which are right around 1200 per day.

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My kiddos. They keep me accountable to as well by coming with me. Trying to keep up with them helps. Or just showing cool places I found. Like my hill….

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Yea I have walked up and down this hill quite a bit this spring. I doubted I could do running sprints on it. That was until I proved myself wrong. I did it. I did 10 of them. Yup I sure did. Sometimes you have to challenge yourself.

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But you gotta show up for yourself every single DAMN day!!! It doesn’t matter if  you have the cutest shirt, or your clothes don’t match. Sometimes it really sucks and sometimes you feel like Shaun T. But you show up. You don’t need all the space or your gym is out in the sun. But you do it! You do it over and over and over until you do it like you brush your teeth and brush your hair.

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Some days you eat super healthy and you love it. But some days you eat Qdoba and you even add a little gauc because it SHOULD NOT be a punishment. You aren’t bad. You are a beautiful human being who needs to take care of yourself inside and out.

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Just always remember your why because then love wins and even dandelions look like sunflowers.

-MR

This is why I write.

Sometimes you have moments so moving and intense that the thought of not sharing them seems impossible. It feels almost like you are not acknowledging their existence. That is my life lately.

Most of the intense moments aren’t mine to share. I am a witness to them. They are big. Some are scary. Most are heartfelt and some of the hardest and most defining moments in others lives. But all the same not my own to share.

But those moments are why I write to show the world. It isn’t that I think the world cares about my world. It is to capture what I feel in a single solitary moment as a human being willing to share her story.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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I walked into my house with my mind going its usual 500mph of what I have left to accomplish for the evening. I was happy and feeling light. It was show week which means somehow we made it through and the show is what it is. A load lifted off my shoulders and wishes to the world that it will turn out good.

I open the door to my kitchen and I walk in looking down and my house is quiet which causes a small alarm, so I give a quick glance up and my guy is standing up looking out the back window. I see his back and a profile of his face and if I could just bottle the feeling I had in that moment I would.

My heart wanted to burst. The last three months of each of us coming and going and quick kisses in the hall or before one of us falls asleep for the night. The boring, routine married life I dreamed of as a child. The mundane of my happiness in my heart swells my heart. I am grateful for him, for that moment because this is my life. I have dreamed of this life my whole life.

So many times we think love looks like the movies and the breathless meetings and protests of undying love that we would die for. I never wanted or needed that. I needed that stoic, strong man who showed up. The one who loves unconditionally, who stands watch over the world and me. Someone to protect me and my world and in that moment that is what I saw.

And go ahead and call me one of those ugh bloggers who blogs about her spouse and marriage. And you would be right, but it wouldn’t be for show because what I plan to tell you is that the last few months we have had to be a whole lot more parent/teacher/adult than a wife and her guy. Sometimes I even fall asleep for multiple days in a row without even an utterance of a good night.

No good night kiss? No grand gesture at bedtime of I am grateful I end each day with you. I imagine that is what good wives do. But if I am honest, some days I climb into bed and I hope he doesn’t even talk cause I am beat. I give a lot to everyone else and most days there is barely any left for me. So yea I wake up at 3AM and I wonder if he knows I still get warm fuzzies when I walk into a room and see him. I usually snuggle close and rub his almost bald head and I thank him for our life silently while he snores away. He is clueless that these thanks are given. But I love him and I love our boring, routine married life that I dreamed of.

That is why I write because of that feeling. That guy. That moment. That is the story that needs told.

To all the boring, routine marriages that still have those moments. Hang onto them. 

-MR

What is wrong with the mish mash of life?

Nothing I say. – MR 

So here it goes.

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A funny story here with my newspaper graduates from last year. They begged and begged for a doughnut machine. I finally obliged. Sadly, we did not use it. I think it seemed like too much work for all of us. SIDENOTE: My family had these in our mouth start to finish in 5 minutes. Not so hard I guess.

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On New Year’s Eve we didn’t just make doughnuts, but we taught them about cheap plastic champagne glasses filled to the brim with sherbert ice cream and punch. They are now in love.

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If you are wondering if I am blonder….Funny Story! My hair dresser had my touch ups all set up and I screwed them up by touching and trying to fix which meant she had to add more blonde to my face. Whoopsy. Oh well!

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I have no shame. It was so good.

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The one where we all really love each other, but we are sick of each other and the store is 1000 degrees so mom is going off, # 3 is whining and they are bargaining with one another. It was frustrating, but I love it.

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Cause that smile. Cause of their smiles. I got over it. I may have complained, but I moved on.

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Can other teachers who are so darn tired of Harambe raise their hands? Thankfully, my girls did not do this. But someone’s kids did this. My poor children can’t flip a bottle, saying the word “goals” or talk about anything Harambe without me making a snide remark. Whoops…Sorry! (Not really).

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Today I decided to let # 1 drive home from the big city. Something she has only done once and that was with her driver’s ed instructor. I was nervous and needed a small caffeine rush. I only had to grab the wheel once and scream twice. She only cried three times. But we made it home safe and yes she did amazing. She is just so hard on herself.

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See she is only a little nervous. Only a little especially at 70mph (gulp).

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And yes I was kinda irritated that this was my Christmas present from my guy. He was so proud of himself proclaiming, “It will make your life so much easier…” days before it was set to arrive. When it got here I called him a jerk and then I tried it out. Okay, I admit it. I guess he does know me. It can tell me at any given moment where my phone is or where my keys are. Now if I can’t find either we are in trouble, but I do think there is web based tracking. Let’s hope cause the likelihood that it will happen is high. He does know me.

Life is about these moments…more so than the ones that are pretty, scripted and filtered.

Enjoy life cause that is love winning.

MR

Why hello…{A year in review}

My blog writing has sporadic at best. I am focusing my writing time on working on my book which sounds way more than productive than  I actually have been. My writing time since break began has been used to decompress. This fall was tough. I really struggled and was angry. I was angry for various reasons, but at some point I just held out and it got softer. Anger was just the name of my game.

But that was just it….It knocked me off my game. A game that I think I am just recovering. I have gained some weight back. I am not going to lie. Honestly, most of it has been gained since Thanksgiving because I needed the mental break from where I was at with my Less of Me phase. Somewhere less of me became about the way I looked and less about the way I felt. I lost focus and withheld too much. If I had to guess that was probably about June/July. Then I became angry because I felt like the weight loss wasn’t fair. But this post isn’t about that.

Let’s go back to January of this year and see where I was at?

JANUARY 2016

My first fitaversary!  Is it sad that I don’t see myself like that anymore? I need to. But I am IMG_4850 (1)doing the program I was doing then and hoping the weight lifting will curve me out in the right places. I really only weigh a few more pounds now than I did then.

FEBRUARY 2016

To give a voice to the voiceless and be the ear they so desperately need. But I get lost in my own self, my own agenda. I wish  was better, but alas I am not. So I sit here and I think about it and what I can change for next time.

MARCH 2016

I try to not share too much information about my post tubal ligation syndrome. Something I have been battling since the moment I had the original surgery. In March, I had surgery to try and clean up the mess that was left from my tubal ligation. It worked till July. Things have been a mess since then. On December 22nd I signed consent papers for surgery this June to fix all of this finally once and for all. I signed it then to insure if I want it done before June that I can. But the goal is June because of the 6-8 weeks of recovery that would require me to not work.

That means I have 6 months to get to the weight I want and mentally, physically prepared to have this surgery and be done with this nightmare of a syndrome I have been left with. I am grateful for my supportive husband and my doctor who has had my back the whole time and always took me seriously. Thankfully, most of the side effects are things you can live with. They just make things not the way you want them.

APRIL 2016

All I know is I got to get back to this MR —> I don’t want to be your inspiration

MAY 2016

God, I love this man! I don’t love him for the romance of our relationship. I love him for IMG_0676the hardships that we endure. I love him because I know he is there for me and he can always make me laugh. I am one lucky lady.

Same Old Love Song (Grateful)..

JUNE 2016

We went on our 2nd family vacation to the beach! It was so fun. We are currently planning # 3.

JULY 2016

A post about what I was put here on this earth to do. Be a momma to my sweet baby girls.

August 2016

The one where I proclaimed we should live our lives as an act of criticism.

September 2016

Public schools and teachers are NOT the problem. The narrative is and hell ya I am defensive.

OCTOBER 2016

We have to stop saying, “It will be okay” because the reality is sometimes it is NOT.

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I still believe…..“We have to do better.” 

DECEMBER 2016

Our love story is my favorite.

This year wasn’t my favorite and it wasn’t my worst. It was a year of maintaining. It was a year of status quo. I don’t really do status quo. I hate to feel stalled out. I am working on that though. I am stalled out on more than one front. But my life is beautiful. This life is beautiful. My girls are my life. My guy is my life. I love this life.

Happy New Year Dear Readers, MR

Trigeminal Neuralgia – 3 years later 

Sometimes I get asked about the personal stories I share on my blog and there are a couple of reasons I do this. The first is I am a writer. I was born a writer and will always be a writer. Writing is woven into my heart and soul like my children are. An essence of my being that exists inside, outside and because of me. 

But when I share personal stories about my marriage it is because I have a story to tell. One that probably doesn’t look all that different than someone else’s, but maybe they haven’t uttered it. Or maybe they don’t even know if that is their story until they read mine. But more than anything I share it for me. I grew up thinking love looked a certain way and I tried so hard to push and shove and mold it into that vision and it never worked. I want my baby girls to know what true love looks like not the packaged version the media sells. 

Three years ago I found out my husband had not been telling me the whole truth. I sat in an emergency room with him as he hadn’t eaten for three days, barely had spoke and begged for the pain to end. He had been battling what I believed to be TMJ for four or so years and had in the previous week been to see a neurologist who placed him on loads of meds. But out of no relief and desperation I put him in a car and drove him to an emergency room in one of the worst snow storms our area had seen. 

I had to do all of the talking for him because he couldn’t speak. They immediately hooked him up to an IV drip of pain meds and I explained his years of treatment for TMJ. They all looked baffled and remarked never had they seen TMJ cause this amount of pain. After a few hours and no relief he looked up at me with tears in his eyes and whispered trigeminal Neuralgia and uttered I am sorry. He also gave into all the meds being pumped into his body and fell asleep, but not with out the wincing pains cause every few minutes he would move and scrunch up. The look of which still tears at my heart and informs me it is a bad TN day. Eventually the doctors came in after talking with his new neurologist and gave me the diagnosis.

Trigeminal Neuralgia and I began to hear what I have heard 100 times over, “There isn’t much we can do for that.” We were sent home with meds that didn’t work and the sad pity eyes that we have grown accustomed to. For the next 8 hours I pondered why he hadn’t told me, but a Dr. Google search told me. My guy has always tried to make life easier for me. He is my number one protector and he tried to protect me from this. He couldn’t. 

A restless night of no sleep as I watched the man I love and made a life with look weak, scared and in such pain that he couldn’t function in his life. The kind of pain that makes you retreat into your own mind to cope. The moment that was likely most devastating for me was what I woke up to when I accidentally fell asleep. What I can and will say is I immediately called his neurologist on his emergency line and demanded he be admitted into the hospital and an hour later he was admitted. 

He spent three days there that ended with, “He is going to have to find a way to live with this pain.” This is after three days of a morphine drip he controlled, and 6 different types of meds to control his TN and his pain. He was eating hospital protein shakes and had lost 15 pounds. When the doctor made that statement I didn’t even wait for him to leave. I excused myself and I called our family physician and demanded they get us into a more specialized neurologist immediately. I took him home and a week and a half later we were in that appointment which the doctor demanded a phone to call a specialist in Indy right in front of us  and then two days later we were in Indianapolis with one of the top TN doctors. And a week later his microvascular decompression surgery. 

My guy has atypical trigeminal neuralgia which means nothing works 100% usually. Things can make it manageable, but those things are different for every patient and sometimes they change once you figure them out.  He went into surgically induced remission for about 4 months after the surgery. He remained off his meds for about 6 months. He typically has seasonal remission during warmer months, but did have some flare ups during this spring and summer. He takes three meds daily for it and every winter his pain gets increasingly worse. 

This life isn’t always easy, but it is our life and dare I say our normal now. The surgery, the side effects and the trauma have fundamentally changed who he is. That takes a constant readjustment for my heart and brain. That is hard, but my God do I love this man. He is the strongest most steady thing I have ever had in my life and I love this life we have made. I know God had a plan for us and this. I got to see what I needed from a human in my life because of this and I also fell in love and got to take care of him in a way I never thought I had the ability to do. I thought I was strong before, but I know my heart has super human strength with the capability to love beyond self. 

So am I saying I am glad for TN…no not really…but I am grateful for my path and my love. 

Less of me and more of the other. 

When the world wakes you up tapping on your mind and heart repeatedly night after night I know there is a lot of unrest. I feel it. I interact with so many who are full of hate and spewing venom from all sides. I am worried, but not really for the same reasons as what it seems like the majority of my social feeds are. I don’t believe one man, or one election brought about all this hate. 

The hard part is it had to exist before this for it to be ignited and truthfully that scares me more. I don’t really care or ask who anyone voted for. I care and ask where is your real fear. That is where this starts. Fear is the underlying cause of a lot of evil. I don’t have solutions here, but I have ears and a heart that tells me healing needs to take place. 

I don’t know how we find it either. Listening is the most logical solution for me. We have to listen to one another with an open heart and mind. I don’t see much of that happening anywhere no matter your candidate.  This isn’t a move on post. This is a call to action post. My call to action though is rooted in love, a quest for compassion and kindness. What does all the yelling and unkindness do besides and breed and spawn more of it? 

The words are so hard though right now because there is so much hurt. It is so tender, raw and jaded. Most of what we say feels like salt in a wound despite the intention. So maybe we just sit back and listen or be quiet and be in the moment. Be with those that are hurting. 

All of my parenting life I have taught my girls a simple lesson about unkindness….that those that are unkind need the most love. Love the unlovable because they need it most. Sometimes the most love we can show to someone is to not respond to their hate with more hate, but with love. 

I teach this same sentiment in my classroom. Sometimes it is harder on this scale because they don’t have to listen to me ultimately the way my own children do. But I guarantee they think a little more about what they are saying and how they are saying it and honestly that is all we need. A little more thinking about what we are saying and who we are saying it to. 

This is not censoring or ignoring what is happening around us. It is the common courtesy of thinking before speaking. But I would be ignorant myself to not acknowledge that ignorance exists because it does. It is very real. I see it and hear it daily. My response is to talk about the hard stuff and listen and asking, “what are you really afraid of?” 

The hard part is accepting the answer and being prepared for the conversation that follows. Listening and not becoming defensive. A little less of me. A little more of the other. But this is hard. This forces us to be external and present with one another. But truthfully in my opinion that is what we need more of. 

In love and kindness, -MR 

A 3 year dip.

Have you ever heard of the three year dip theory? Don’t laugh at me, but yesterday I was watching Felicity (one of my favorite shows from the 90s and early 2000s) and one of the main characters talked about every three years your life takes a dip. I guess maybe that is where I am. This three year dip is way better than the last because my guy was having surgery and what followed was a year of depression and coping shortfalls. 

I think that is why I have struggled so hard admitting I am struggling because that was honestly the lowest I have ever been in my life and I definitely don’t feel like that. I think what happened is my work life balance is seriously displaced. I work too much and need to be more centered with my family. I let my general responsibilities take away my joy from the process and demand I placed on loving myself. I lost my footing on the balance and now I am just trying to regain it. 

What happened in that is I lost my way. I put all of my responsibilities ahead of myself. My REVOLUTION (less of me) fell by the way side and I know very well the consequences of putting myself aside means I can’t take care of those I love as good as I should. But the guilt is overwhelming on what I am pushing aside to take care of me. I just need a brain shift to the benefits of taking care of myself an how it allows me to take care of my people. 

What you saw in my vlog yesterday was that coming to a point. I recognized it and I spoke it. I am telling you right fitness and nutrition is so mental. Your head space has to be clear and I can tell you that I am addicted to caffeine in the worst way again. I have been struggling with digestive issues and stomach pain again. I hate taking the time to workout despite continuing to do it. All signs that I have placed myself on the back burner. 

I am not exactly sure how I got here again…but I am there. I am on a precipice of a health failure or success because of where I am at. I have got to trim down the caffeine, find my passion for exercise again so it doesn’t feel like such a chore and find a way to love the process instead of constantly looking for gains and losses. I am focused on the wrong parts and want to skip the process when I know damn well the process can’t be skipped. Loving the process is loving myself. 

If I don’t do these things, I run the risk of losing myself again. I can’t and won’t. I have worked too long and too hard. I just need to remember grace. Giving myself grace and finding grace and being patient gracefully. I may be busy with my family and my job, but that doesn’t mean I need to be last. Ever. I just need to keep reminding myself of this. 

Less of me or, MY REVOLUTION, never started as a race to see a number on a scale or looking perfect. I am afraid somewhere along the way I lost that. It was about love winning and loving the time I gave myself. I started it slow and with purpose and I didn’t weigh myself down with the particulars of the process. I just felt it and went through it and tried to love myself through it. One day I must have stopped and became tired, so I grabbed for another cup of coffee and another and then I convinced myself that my house chores or grading were more important than what I put in my mouth and I rushed through my workout. 

That is a damn dangerous game to play with my health. I know it is and I know where my addictions lie. They lie in calories, carbs, and caffeine. All of the things that in moderation are fine, but in stress and excuse run the risk of changing my best destination. So I am sitting here hoping that my revelation yesterday is a new starting point AGAIN. I don’t want to be setting lofty goals that I can’t reach. I want to show up for me AGAIN. I want to admit I am there AGAIN and in desperate need of loving myself AGAIN

Here AGAIN. -MR

17 Years-I promise forever.

As we stand together
I promise forever
‘Til the day that I die
You are the love of my life

Wedding Song – Sammy Kershaw

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may 22, 1999

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may 22, 2016

Oh I suppose this may be another post waxing poetic about my marriage, but it isn’t some lame attempt at my social media life looking more exciting than the real deal. In fact, exciting and all of it’s connotations are exactly what makes my marriage worth having and where this post was generated from.

While on vacation I was perusing pinterest and I came across a pin about a man who had been married for 17 years and had written an extremely popular post about how to maintain a marriage for that long. I was struck very quickly with imposter syndrome. How in the world can a 17 year long marriage shed any sort of light on the keys to a successful marriage. Then I remembered it wasn’t even two months ago I celebrated my 17th.

Thus began a three week journey filled photo albums, love letters to precious to share, cards for grief, loving and friendships. Pictures of times long forgotten and I realized something. I do have something to say about marriage. I am not really the advice giving type when it comes to life choices like marriage and children. What works for me may not work for others. But to so easily tisk at my own marriage that has literally been through a lifetime of love, hate, pure romance, heartache is doing it an injustice.

I began to wonder what is it that makes me love this man so especially because if you know us we are opposites. He is a naysayer and I am always a yes sayer. I trust first and ask questions later. He never trusts and rarely asks questions. I see every road block as a chance to start again to conquer a hill. He looks at it as a sucky roadblock and it makes life suck and he is stuck.

And maybe that is what makes us work because when one feels a certain way the other feels the opposite therefore providing an equal balance that keeps us in harmony. But I have known many a couple who were virtually the same person and it just works for them. Therefore, all I can truly speak to is what makes it work for me.

When I met my guy I was about a year and half out of an engagement. Yes I was engaged at an early age. My heart was broken into a million little pieces and I was desperately trying to figure out who I was in this world and I was 20. My guy patiently waited for me to figure it out. He didn’t push other than to push me to be the best version of myself I could be.

He didn’t try and change me or ask me to be someone different and I will be honest in the almost 20 years we have been together I have been a lot of different people. I am a changer. I can’t stand to grow stagnate and bored. I long to feel inspired by the world and my surroundings and try and offer something better than what was there before I came. It is just my personality.

I didn’t realize this until recently when I thought about every serious job I have ever had and how much I loved each and every single one them. I thought with each one that I could grow old and retire here. When I didn’t feel that way anymore or at all…I left. To some that could be too flighty or too living by the seat of your pants. Especially, to someone like my guy who is so grounded sometimes I have bust cement around him. But never once ever did he say, “no, stop wait…maybe that isn’t a good idea.”

And truthfully that road goes both ways. I don’t necessarily always like the decisions he makes, but I always try and hear him out and support and love because that is our foundation. It is love. It is trust. It is being the best us together and trusting one another that that is our goal always.

And if this sounds a little too sappy it is. I acknowledge that. I also acknowledge it hasn’t always been as easy as it seems. We have grown up together in so many ways. I could give you all the stats of houses, children, deaths, births and vacations. But they all lead down the same exact path that both of us committed to one another and that commitment stands above all else.  It was a commitment first to God, a commitment to our selves and then a commitment to our marriage.

Never was there a bumpier patch as there was when he had his MVD or even TN struck because the reality is my guy and my marriage changed completely at that moment. It wasn’t the kind of bumpy where there is fighting and slamming doors or even lonely isolation. It was the kind of bumpy where we both were completely different people once things were better. We both shared very different experiences of what we had gone through. We both no longer recognized the person in front of us.

That is probably a newer realization. The advantage and comfort that I had coming out of that is my commitment has never waned. But it is life’s little intricacies that make him my one. The way he always makes me smile. The way he looks at me. He may not smile for the world, but he always smiles for me. The way he parents. The way he is dedicated to us and our family. The way he heads our family. The little ways he takes care of me every day. How he loves to run in the hot oppressive heat and I love to run in the cool crisp air. The way he grabs my hand when he is driving always. The list could virtually go on and on.

Times do get hard. We do get mad at one another and the secret is no secret. I remember the commitment every single day that I made to loving this man.  The commitment to our memories, our children, our public promise and private declaration to one another. That means more to me than anything.

My reward for this comes every single day even on the hard days. There is always a hand to hold, love to be had, someone to wipe the tears, some one to giggle with even when I do not necessarily agree with his political views or appreciate his “you kids get off my lawn mentality”. It just works. 7000 days strong and it works. Love always wins.

And in case you don’t believe we have been together all that time I have proof. We have literally grown together and I can honestly say we only get better looking and better together.

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Engaged…My guy and I

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Traveling…Las Vegas

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Yes this pretty much happened on a regular basis

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We were literal babies.

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Love winning. 5-22-99

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When our sense of humor collides watch out!

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Notice the look on my face. No one else gives me that look. It is a mixture of love, comfort and home. So there is the secret. Find the one who makes your face and body feel like that and you have found your one. That is also the warm fuzzy that is love winning.

Where I am at.

me1Well exercise is tricky. I love it. I do. But what happens when school is out is I push myself to darn far and I get injuries. I am not reasonable and over do it. So I thought long and hard on vacation about changing what it happening here.

I know a few things. I want to run. But I am either too old or too bad to run every single day despite my best attempts. This summer I have had shin splints and knocked my knee cap out of place so many time that I lost count and broke my toe. I am not nursing a sprained wrist.

When I went I decided this was how it was going down. I would spend the rest of the summer focusing less on distance and focusing on speed. I want to be faster more than I want to run further. So alas I am two weeks into interval trainings. I found a great weight loss running app that focuses on speeding up your runs and tells you what to do with intervals. I love it and the British accent I chose for it to talk to me with.

I run every other day and walk in between. I can walk once school starts back up so this isn’t drastically hard on my body. On my walking days I will do a cardio workout of some sort and on running days I will focus on easier exercises. For example, today I did a fullme2 routine with my balance ball and the other day I did a routine working on weights with legs. On the off running day yesterday I went back to my homeboy, Shaun T, with T25.

If I lose weight great. If not that is okay too. I haven’t eaten horrible. I am not always eating the best either. I am not gaining and really that is all I hope to at least do is maintain. I am in my target weight despite wishing I could lose 10 more pounds. I guess right now I don’t feel motivated enough to focus and do that. Maybe once school is in. Who knows?

I did want to say when I was walking the other day I was trying to not beat myself up. (SIDE NOTE: seriously why do I do this? I go on walks and talk crap to myself.) I tried to pick one part of my body that I didn’t hate and I narrowed it down to my shoulders. I have worked so hard for my shoulder collarbone area and it seems like a dumb area, but it is  how I wish the rest of my body would catch up. So any way….I am hoping to focus a little more on that positive talk. I need to focus less on the things I cannot change like my extra skin. It is what it is. Trying to let love win.

E Party of 5 took a trip

This one was long planned and we were excited. It was also the first trip like this since MVD. That did make me nervous cause you never know when and how it will strike. The addition of the new med in May and increased dosage in the other has made it more manageable. Thank goodness!

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We were still in our neighborhood at this point. Which is funny given the girls look like they have been in car for hours.

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Everywhere my guy drives is a race, so imagine how fun that is in the mountains and there isn’t a darn thing I can do about it because I don’t want to drive in the mountains. So I hold on and grit my teeth.

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After two days in the car (basically 14 hours) we made it the beach. Ahh!

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# 3 knows how to cheese about like her Daddy. Keeping # 1 and # 2 out of the ocean the first few days was a trick. I liked it though. I am a beacher more than a pooler.

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We went on lots of shell hunts and family walks.

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And here it looks like # 2 inherited my guy’s “grin”.

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Woah? Is he smiling?

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Hmm, not sure where # 2 is. But cute pic! There she is.

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It was good family fun. We cooked, played games and drove each other crazy. So I think it went perfectly.

That my dear readers is….Love winning again.