As we stand together
I promise forever
‘Til the day that I die
You are the love of my life
Wedding Song – Sammy Kershaw
may 22, 1999
may 22, 2016
Oh I suppose this may be another post waxing poetic about my marriage, but it isn’t some lame attempt at my social media life looking more exciting than the real deal. In fact, exciting and all of it’s connotations are exactly what makes my marriage worth having and where this post was generated from.
While on vacation I was perusing pinterest and I came across a pin about a man who had been married for 17 years and had written an extremely popular post about how to maintain a marriage for that long. I was struck very quickly with imposter syndrome. How in the world can a 17 year long marriage shed any sort of light on the keys to a successful marriage. Then I remembered it wasn’t even two months ago I celebrated my 17th.
Thus began a three week journey filled photo albums, love letters to precious to share, cards for grief, loving and friendships. Pictures of times long forgotten and I realized something. I do have something to say about marriage. I am not really the advice giving type when it comes to life choices like marriage and children. What works for me may not work for others. But to so easily tisk at my own marriage that has literally been through a lifetime of love, hate, pure romance, heartache is doing it an injustice.
I began to wonder what is it that makes me love this man so especially because if you know us we are opposites. He is a naysayer and I am always a yes sayer. I trust first and ask questions later. He never trusts and rarely asks questions. I see every road block as a chance to start again to conquer a hill. He looks at it as a sucky roadblock and it makes life suck and he is stuck.
And maybe that is what makes us work because when one feels a certain way the other feels the opposite therefore providing an equal balance that keeps us in harmony. But I have known many a couple who were virtually the same person and it just works for them. Therefore, all I can truly speak to is what makes it work for me.
When I met my guy I was about a year and half out of an engagement. Yes I was engaged at an early age. My heart was broken into a million little pieces and I was desperately trying to figure out who I was in this world and I was 20. My guy patiently waited for me to figure it out. He didn’t push other than to push me to be the best version of myself I could be.
He didn’t try and change me or ask me to be someone different and I will be honest in the almost 20 years we have been together I have been a lot of different people. I am a changer. I can’t stand to grow stagnate and bored. I long to feel inspired by the world and my surroundings and try and offer something better than what was there before I came. It is just my personality.
I didn’t realize this until recently when I thought about every serious job I have ever had and how much I loved each and every single one them. I thought with each one that I could grow old and retire here. When I didn’t feel that way anymore or at all…I left. To some that could be too flighty or too living by the seat of your pants. Especially, to someone like my guy who is so grounded sometimes I have bust cement around him. But never once ever did he say, “no, stop wait…maybe that isn’t a good idea.”
And truthfully that road goes both ways. I don’t necessarily always like the decisions he makes, but I always try and hear him out and support and love because that is our foundation. It is love. It is trust. It is being the best us together and trusting one another that that is our goal always.
And if this sounds a little too sappy it is. I acknowledge that. I also acknowledge it hasn’t always been as easy as it seems. We have grown up together in so many ways. I could give you all the stats of houses, children, deaths, births and vacations. But they all lead down the same exact path that both of us committed to one another and that commitment stands above all else. It was a commitment first to God, a commitment to our selves and then a commitment to our marriage.
Never was there a bumpier patch as there was when he had his MVD or even TN struck because the reality is my guy and my marriage changed completely at that moment. It wasn’t the kind of bumpy where there is fighting and slamming doors or even lonely isolation. It was the kind of bumpy where we both were completely different people once things were better. We both shared very different experiences of what we had gone through. We both no longer recognized the person in front of us.
That is probably a newer realization. The advantage and comfort that I had coming out of that is my commitment has never waned. But it is life’s little intricacies that make him my one. The way he always makes me smile. The way he looks at me. He may not smile for the world, but he always smiles for me. The way he parents. The way he is dedicated to us and our family. The way he heads our family. The little ways he takes care of me every day. How he loves to run in the hot oppressive heat and I love to run in the cool crisp air. The way he grabs my hand when he is driving always. The list could virtually go on and on.
Times do get hard. We do get mad at one another and the secret is no secret. I remember the commitment every single day that I made to loving this man. The commitment to our memories, our children, our public promise and private declaration to one another. That means more to me than anything.
My reward for this comes every single day even on the hard days. There is always a hand to hold, love to be had, someone to wipe the tears, some one to giggle with even when I do not necessarily agree with his political views or appreciate his “you kids get off my lawn mentality”. It just works. 7000 days strong and it works. Love always wins.
And in case you don’t believe we have been together all that time I have proof. We have literally grown together and I can honestly say we only get better looking and better together.
Engaged…My guy and I
Yes this pretty much happened on a regular basis
We were literal babies.
Love winning. 5-22-99
When our sense of humor collides watch out!
Notice the look on my face. No one else gives me that look. It is a mixture of love, comfort and home. So there is the secret. Find the one who makes your face and body feel like that and you have found your one. That is also the warm fuzzy that is love winning.