So grateful to you my baby girls.

I remember very distinctly the first time each of you realized your feet could carry you in the opposite direction of me. At the time it was a game of “Catch Me”, but also at the time was when I realized that parenting was single handedly the most heartbreaking thing I would do because I would forever spend the rest of my life fighting the feeling of letting you go while simultaneously wanting to hang on forever. But I couldn’t and I can’t.

I am just so grateful to have three beautiful daughters who make me so incredibly proud everyday and take on the world’s hard choices even though sometimes other routes would be easier. I am grateful for the opportunity to be a part of your journey and so grateful you call me Momma. You three have always called me momma and that name means everything to me and always will.

And finally thank you for the motivation and encouragement to push me to be my best self and always reminding me along the way that my best self is right in front of you. The best secret to my own success has been making promises to you. ❤

It was so hard to pick just a few and before I knew it I had 100 pictures here! But each and everyone them captures a moment forever in my heart. Life is beautiful and you each have made my life more beautiful.

I am so much more than MR to you all. I am your momma. Forever Grateful, Momma

 

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Week of Grateful.

I am so grateful for you…my guy. The years of laughter, love and everything I didn’t know I needed, but you did. I know I don’t always make things easy and sometimes I am plain difficult to love. But you always do. You always show up for me, you always show up for us. You make me smile inside and out and you make me look forward tomorrow and saying good night every night. Every success and good thing that has happened in my life has happened because you believed in me.

“You are the love of my life. And you are the reason I am alive.” – Sammy Kershaw

I cannot seem to commit to a month of grateful…but a week. I can do that.

– Gratefully Yours – MR

Quiet Town Catch Up.

I just claimed it this year my mood is heavily changed by the time change and seasonal change together. My mood is meh and I need more sun then I am getting. Add in that I teach in a building with few windows and I work odd hours 9-5 basically I get there early when it is mostly dark and leave usually when the day light is winding down. So….my mood is meh.

But since I know that this year I know how important it is for me to work out. As someone who suffers from OCD and anxiety/depression because of the OCD it is important that I get my workout in because when I do not feel it. My endorphins from my workouts have been helping so much. And because I know this I rarely miss. I have been taking one rest day a week. Thankfully this hasn’t been that big of a deal because I have been focusing on lifting lately, so my muscles are so sore so I save those rest days when my muscles are crying.

But so you can see I am still getting out there and living life, just not as publicly I have some pics from daily life. This is all from the last month.

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The prettiest view in Fort Wayne, IN

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I was kinda proud cause I sewed these. They are capes for my teacher bestie and I

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Facetime with my ladies while they traveled

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The day I dressed up as Meredith Grey. Coffee Included.

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Looking in the mirror and having trouble believing it is you looking back

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Going to movie hoping to be scared and you weren’t

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Resting after a workout and “watching” Falcons football

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Two weeks off of keto – EATING ALL THE BANANAS YUMM!!!!

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And tacos and….

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Can we talk about how terrible I felt after all of that? It was BAD even though I would do it again because it was my birthday.

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My Guy. My Heart.

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Mascara Always.

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The Importance of Being Earnest – Fall Play 2017

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My best friend who always loves me and ready to show me

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Reading my Jewel Poetry

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Trying to become okay with all the extra skin I have and in case anyone was wondering I have lost almost 25 and am rounding out to almost a 30lb lost since my surgery. So skin sagging is an issue. But it is a good representation of how far I have come in 4 years.

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Grading by christmas tree lights is kinda the best for a mood

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There is so much beauty in the world, we just gotta look

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Ummmm can we talk about how much this girl has grown since August. We bought new school clothes and none of them fit now. She literally grew two sizes. She went from my tiny baby girl to a pre-teen (sad face). But I am so proud of her.

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That brings us to today. I am looking forward to a day of back to school shopping in December with my older two because # 2 also decided to have a growth spurt. # 1 just enjoys shopping and a Starbucks. But coffee for me is definitely a necessity because I slept terribly because my puppy girl has a slip disk in her neck and I let her hog our bed all night.

 

Finding Gratefulness in the Midst Of…

ee329d34aaeb841e556ebd56c49a632bMy children have been on my heart and mind a whole lot the last 48 to 72 hours. This isn’t a proclamation that they always are not but more of me giving space in writing to something that has been very much taking shape in my thoughts. I wonder do I write it in letter format or do I just type my heart and guts on a page.

The older my kiddos get the more I feel the world knocking on our door. The world that can sometimes be unbearably cruel. The people in it who may not always have the best intentions with them. The people who look like friends but often are foes. Or the biggest monster still is the unknown ones. The unforeseen circumstances. The life changing ones. The ones that in the matter of minutes change the very essence of who you are. FOREVER.

So dear daughters, dear children of party of five and dear strong independent women I hope I am raising you to be,

As much as I want to talk you down from those things above or make you feel better when the world or the people are in it are unkind I don’t feel like that is very productive. There will always be someone who is willing to be mean. There will always be unforeseen circumstances. There will always be cruelty that comes your way that is undeserved.

What I would like you to do is to take a step back….take a deep breath…count to 10 and recognize the world’s reactions aren’t in your control or power. You cannot make a friend be kind to you. You cannot stop that accident from happening. You cannot predict the unthinkable. They are not in your control.

What is in your control is how you, in that moment, move. Notice I didn’t say move forward and I didn’t because sometimes that isn’t how it goes. Sometimes we stay stuck and stunned or even move back. But you choose. Your reaction is your choice.

And as hard as it is to imagine or even fathom I would like you to again start from the top…take a step back, take a breath and count to 10 and realize your next move says so much about who you are in the world. It is your perspective. It is your choice. I encourage you to be grateful for the moment. Grateful in the midst of is a beautiful thing.

If you find gratefulness you keep your power. If you find gratefulness you are the living embodiment of beauty. No the cruel world isn’t beauty, but finding gratefulness in the midst of it definitely is. And if your reaction isn’t always beautiful, just know that is okay. But then start from the top and repeat as needed. Take a step back, Take a deep breath, count to 10 and start over.

Sometimes people take your gratefulness as not being realistic and I encourage you to repeat the above steps and move the heck on when that situation arises. They have their choice and you have yours. What I think happens is those world moments that smack you in the face give you glimpses (or think of them as chances) to shape who you are and what you put out into the world. The cruel world, the unkindness of others, the unforeseen those are all other people’s problems, issues and personalities showing through and though they may be directed at you…they have absolutely nothing to do with you. So don’t repeat or replay what just smacked you in the face. Find gratefulness = finding beauty.

So again I say….STOP…Take a step back, Take a deep breath, count to 10 and start over.

And yes the world can sometimes really suck. I am 41 and yep I have seen some major suckage in the world and when I look back at the moments I was strongest and proudest of, they were when I was grateful in the midst of. Sure bad things happen and I am not asking you to ignore it. We have to acknowledge them, but we cannot give ourselves over to them.

Acknowledge it, but do NOT and I repeat do NOT give over your power. Your power is in your attitude, your response and how you proceed in the moments, hours and years following. So keep your power, own your perspective and know that that moment is a chance to decide who you want to be. Do you want to be the positive or do you want to maintain the cycle of negative.

Notice I didn’t ask it as a question because I already gave you the answer.

Take a step back, Take a deep breath, count to 10 and start over and find gratefulness in the midst of… – MR (Your Momma) 

 

Writing Challenge (Challenged).

So I stink at this writing challenge or better yet it just wasn’t that important to me. I have been making and working on some very important decisions and writing about some of the things in the challenge don’t feel all that important to me at the moment. Things like 5 pearls of wisdom or Writing about special memories.

I find those challenges not all that inspiring when it comes to my writing. Right now I am finding fighting for my future, my faith and my family where most of my inspiration lies. Most of all that fighting isn’t something I feel like I need to share. There is a lot going on but writing about it or through it wouldn’t be all that exciting to read and really isn’t much different than what families like mine go through.

But every day I look at the next day’s writing challenge and I think meh. Most of my creative outlet I find comes from my lesson planning and the things I do in my classroom and with my students. If there is much left I usually put it into decorating my home or crafting of some sort.

I am not saying the writing challenge is over. I guess I am just saying it is challenged and that is okay. I tell my students that all the time about their writing, their projects, their life decisions. Sometimes they stall and that is okay. Life stalls honestly. We get stuck or not inspired and have to focus solely on the tasks that happen daily to get us to the next.

So yea my writing today is inspired by the fact that it is okay to say I don’t feel like writing about some of the other stuff because my energy and time is spent working on things that far outweigh in importance my blog knowing what is currently irritating me.

I hope you understand – MR

Writing Challenge: If I am being honest.

Today today: Write about something you struggle with.

 

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But because I am lame and I cannot talk about the things I struggle with I will tell you that I find tons of happiness in my struggles. Today at school I laughed so hard several times that my stomach hurt and tears came out of my eyes. Once I got home the giggles were even more intense.

My family, colleagues, my students, my friends they all make me laugh so hard. They make a tough world sometimes feel a heck of a lot better.

Writing Challenge – Catching Up

I may not do this every day, but I will always do it. Or at least try.

Day #5 – List 5 Places You Want to Visit

  1. Top of the list is Europe predominantly France. I have talked about it here before but I feel strong connections to France and crave to know and have so many more. I am obsessed with walking the french countryside (see pic below).
  2. I would love to go to Thailand. For all the reasons listed here.
  3. I am obsessed with mountains and oceans so the next three are based off of that. I want to see Colorado.
  4. I want to see the Pacific Coast.
  5. I want to see Nova Scotia because of the light houses and landscape.

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Day # 6 – 3 ways to win my heart

  1. In all seriousness my heart isn’t up for bid so you cannot really win it, but for friendship # 1 way would definitely be being authentic to who you are. I just really appreciate those that own who they are and aren’t insecure about it. We all have baggage and we can own it and do our thing or we can run from it and create a false persona. I chose the first path and I choose people who do as well.
  2. Be a good friend. Don’t leave when the going gets tough. When my guy was super sick I found myself mostly alone. People were afraid to ask so they just didn’t. That was a blow because I just needed someone to ask. So many times we think we have to have the right words, but you really don’t. Most of the time the only thing people need to is feel heard and loved.
  3. Tacos. Plain and simple. Tacos.

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Day # 7 – 10 Songs I am loving right now….

I can tell you this is gonna be hard cause I love about 4-5 songs right now. But I have ones I always love. I will tell you what I love about some of them though.

  1. By far the # 1 song I love right now is Thunder by Imagine Dragons. I am not necessarily a huge ID fan, but the lyrics of this song…YASSSS!

Not a yes sir, not a follower Fit the box, fit the mold Have a seat in the foyer, take a number I was lightning before the thunder

How can you not get behind those kinds of lyrics? I grew up feeling different than those around me. I always felt like I was on the outside looking in and eventually I realized it was because I see the world very differently. I realized it was just my personality and I think this song just taps into that part of myself.

fdcd930d5170419e978927d110bc6f5e.1000x1000x12. Logic 1-800-273-8255…Woah this song and all the voices in the compilation. It is an amazing song. The meaning behind it. If you need to understand more of my why watch this.

3. I am not going to directly share a song here but I will tell you I like Post Malone. His lyrics well….But the beat and putting his lyrics with his beats…he is good at that. If you walk away from a post like this you should know one thing about me it is that I like edgier rap. Usually 90’s edgier rap. I always have. I am a huge gigantic contradiction to the world and I own it. See my reasoning for song # 1. I usually don’t like current rap much because to me it seems so surface. I like my rap for the lyrics and rapping about hardships in the world. Not ladies or drugs. But I do appreciate beats that PM has.

4. Basically most anything by Khalid. See my reasoning for liking rappers in # 3. His lyrics seem to be deeper and have a universal relatable meaning.

5. Tupac – Now he sings about real things. Keep ya head up is hands down one of my favorites.

You know it’s funny when it rains it pours
They got money for wars but can’t feed the poor
Say there ain’t no hope for the youth and the truth is
It ain’t no hope for the future

How is it he sang about issues he saw in the 90’s and we still haven’t figured it out? For real. I am kinda sick of it.

6. My love of 90’s music runs super deep. I like grunge and grit and Everlast “What It’s Like” is one of my top. I love this song so much! It is literally about empathy. Not sympathy. Empathy… we need more of that in the world. How could this song not make this list?

7. I remember being in my biology class when word spread that Kurt Cobain died. I remember feeling absolutely gutted. I remember hiding my tears as I looked around and none of my other peers were as moved by his death as I was. I remember wondering if this was how people felt when Elvis died. Basically, any song by Nirvana could make this list, but Come as Your Are is my favorite, but not for any particular reason other than it is just a great song. I listened to Nirvana on repeat before and after his death. I have listened to them a million times since.

8. You Were Meant For Me – Jewel. Again if you have been reading my blog at all you 71aZ2-HgLmL._SY355_know I am obsessed with Jewel. I feel like her career has been a timeline for my life. I literally can name a song from her on most major points in my life. This song in particular though is amazing. Her voice.

9. And because one cannot go with another – The Morning Song and Jewel. This song will forever and always remind me of my guy and dating. I don’t know why. My soul just felt so happy and that song makes me so happy. They just go together.

10. The Luckiest – Ben Folds. This spot was a toss up between my wedding song (Sammy Kershaw -You are the Love of my Life) and this one. Of course I love SK song, but my guy and I are so NOT country so it has always been weird we picked that song. But we did and I suspect the reason why has more to do with how we met and the lyrics. But this song…this is a great example of how I feel about my life. I have posted it a million time (okay not really but). I just feel like the luckiest. The piano is beautiful. His voice is majestic with the piano.

Keto Thoughts. Week # 9.

whole30-newsletter-logoSo I am on the verge of a decision. I love Keto. But there are some things about it that I have to acknowledge and most of them are my own personal issues that I have to work through. They are:

  • I have lost my workout ability and lack total and complete umpf. I tried adding a banana as the keto book suggested and I bumped myself out of ketosis. My body doesn’t tolerate influx of carbs. There are a lucky few and I am one of them.
  • I have become obsessed with my keto #. I mean this in an unhealthy manner. I have a likelihood to become obsessed especially with this kind of thing and I have.
  • Sometimes that obsession for me makes me make poor eating choices like eating eggs and bacon for over a week for every meal because I know it works and it is easy. So yea that is my next one…I have very little variety and I am getting bored.
  • A lot of keto uses plant based sugars and ugh…I would rather go without any type of sugars or natural ones like honey and agave if I have some.
  • Finally and probably the biggest, I am struggling to get the nutrients I need without too much dairy and I am lactose intolerant, so I am finding my symptoms increased for that. I hate it.

Now that I have covered all the bad there is a huge amount of good and I want to highlight that as well. I have had great success with Keto and don’t see myself “done” with it. I feel like I am at a point where I need to take it to the next level, but before doing that I need to educate myself some more. But let’s look at the positives:

  • I have lost a lot of weight and inches and got myself back down to the smallest size I was in my health journey. I am 5lbs from my goal weight overall. Admittedly, I would like to lose some additional, but that goal weight would get me to goal of my family doctor and I with room to lose a bit more if I want.
  • I gave up carbs and processed sugar. On Monday, I will have survived without processed sugars for 10 weeks. I would have never dreamed that would be possible for me ever. But I did it and that honestly feels better than losing all the weight I have.
  • Fats are not bad and my blood pressure is lower than it has been. In fact, it was low enough my doc worried a bit.
  • I got to eat bacon every day for a diet.

So with all of that I am fairly certain I will be doing Whole 30 the day after my birthday. My birthday is in two weeks and I plan to celebrate via this diet. I have always wanted to do it and tried so hard that last few years and always failed or was scared away because of giving up carbs and sugars. Well guess what keto did for me. I tackled that beast.

I do really appreciate my morning coffee and Whole 30 does require that sacrifice so think of me the next few weeks before my birthday as I start to wean. I will probably be pretty grumpy. So this will be the next beast, but I have done that before many times and I can do it again.

And one final note before I end this post. None of this fad. I am not a fad dieter. In fact, these are diets that create a better awareness of your body and what it needs and I would argue the 21 day fix container system works similarly as well. It is figuring out healthy ways to eat because somewhere along the way I never learned, or forgot. The container system showed me portion and amounts, Keto helped me to see good and healthy fats and I suspect that Whole 30 will be more about my psyche and conquering the one last hurdle of knowing what is best for my body.

And finally, I think Whole 30 will let me get back to what I love and that is physical movement. It is pivotal to my mental and physical being so I have got to do this.

Writing Challenge Day # 3 and # 4

So I had all good intentions (don’t we always have good intentions) to post yesterday and never made it. So today I am doubling up.

Writing Challenge # 3 – The challenge for yesterday were my three biggest pet peeves. I generally don’t try and focus on negativity and pet peeves are sometimes teeming with negativity. But then I started to think about it and most of my pet peeves boil down to one thing that is respect. I want respect. Respect for self, respect for others and respect for respect. So without further discussion.

Pet Peeves

  1. Shut up. I hate that phrase and I think it is the rudest thing you can say to someone and NO ONE has a right to silence you. No one ever.
  2. Rolling eyes. Nothing good will ever come from an eye roll. I also notice it sets me off into a fit of anger. I mean all out fit of anger.
  3. Not listening. When people talk to you not to hear what you have to say, but so they can respond to you.

Writing Challenge # 4 – Write about someone that inspires you. This one is so hard but it is probably a cheesy answer that may make you roll your eyes. HARD. But see above. My husband inspires me. He is living daily with a debilitating brain disorder that causes him tremendous amounts of pain. It doesn’t stop there. He does it all while taking anti-seizure meds. Not one kind but two and tons of a pills a day. The side effects of those types of meds are horrible. It doesn’t stop there. He works so incredibly hard for our family and we appreciate it so very much. I think most would crack under the pressure of what he goes through daily. Add in there that people in his circle (including myself sometimes) forget he is dealing with TN because he complains so little. He doesn’t complain not because it doesn’t hurt, but because life goes on and things still need done.

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30 Day Writing Challenge

Writing Challenge Day # 2

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Today’s challenge to write about something that someone has said to you that was meaningful. So here we are…

This is something I hear pretty often and I think I pride myself on it the most….You are so positive. It isn’t that I am resistant to the reality of the world. I just choose to focus on the good. I struggle when people stay stuck in the same place. Myself is # 1 on the list.

When I interviewed for my current teaching position I interviewed with a lot of options and my boss said one of the things that put me above the rest was the positivity. I don’t just believe in being positive, I live it. Probably annoyingly so.

The negative side to that is I don’t tolerate the opposite very well. The jokes like calling each other trash or saying you are dead inside. Those fall extremely short on me. I don’t like them and shut them down all the time. It is just noise and filling up a space that could be positive to me so I ignore it.

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30 Day Writing Challenge